“Violet, what is the matter?” His eyes were cold. Even the candle next to him could not give them warmth.
She felt self-conscious under his scrutiny. She was still in her undergarments, her robe untied, her hair in disarray from being squished by a pillow, and at some point on the way to his room, her face had become wet, then dry and blotchy. She was also barefoot, and her chest heaved from the run.
She looked like a madwoman.
If she were in his place and he were to burst into her room looking like she did, she would have feared for the worst, even taken him into her arms before the situation was explained. But he did not appear the least bit concerned.
Had he not run around the castle in search of her just hours ago?
She faltered. Did he already hate her?
With hesitant steps, she crossed the threshold. “My father informed me?—”
“I asked him to apologize to ye. Has he?”
She was briefly stunned by the interruption.
“Why would you, when you are the one who was wronged?”
He fell quiet. The flame either flickered at that moment or a brief emotion flashed across his face.
“I understand if you do not intend to forgive him.” She drew nearer to him, and he angled his head to meet her gaze. “I also know apologizing changes nothing, but I am sorry. It’s my fault for trusting him.”
“There’s nothing for ye to apologize for.” He did not rise from the desk. “Ye shouldnae bear yer faither’s sins.” He casually shrugged, as though her sincerity was a paltry show he regarded as unnecessary. “If it’s any consolation, yer faither was very brave when he faced Westall’s man.”
He looked up at her, and she down at him, yet she felt small and insignificant.
What had changed between them over the span of a couple of hours? It couldn’t be her father’s betrayal, because Ruaridh had embraced. Was it the accident he blamed himself for? Could he be so withdrawn by it?
Was it her inviting him into her bed? Lord Westall had called her a harlot, and the way she had behaved was the wont of a wanton woman. Did Ruaridh now see her as Lord Westall had?
She swallowed and tied the belt of her robe. She tried to make herself more presentable, but she only managed to make herself seem foolish. Pulling together sheer garments would not erase memories of her naked body or the sound of her voice when she had begged him to touch her.
She could not look at him. She could only stare at her ruddy toes through teary eyes. “If you do not wish to marry me anymore, I’ll understand.”
She heard his chair swivel. Only then did she muster the confidence to look up at him. He was back to his writing.
“Our engagement has always been about duty and responsibility, and nae about what I wish.” He enunciated the latter word as if she had trapped him in a situation he did not want.
She clutched her chest. It was all too much for her. The walls were closing in, forcing her to her knees. She had made a mistake, chosen another Lord Westall, and it was too late.
How could she have ever believed that he loved her?
28
It was her wedding day. Again.
Except this time, it was with a man she wanted with every fiber of her being.
She should be excited. After all, she had crossed several hurdles with him to get to this point, but she could not muster that eagerness now.
When she had pictured marrying Ruaridh, she had hoped to marry the version of him that she had fallen in love with. The one who cared and wanted her and had slowly seduced and cajoled her, remaining patient even when she dragged her feet about the decision to marry him.
Unfortunately, that version was now gone.
He was angry with her; she was sure of it. He might have said that she was not responsible for what happened, but she did feelresponsible. She had watched him last night while he tried to sweep it under the carpet.
She knew the truth. He was disappointed in her father. He had opened his arms wide to him in welcome because he was her family, and he did not want her to worry about her father navigating treacherous roads in the night. But now his goodness had stabbed him in the back, and he was hurt and had lost trust in her and her family.
