I swipe open the video call. He answers wearing a thick wool sweater and has a beanie on his head. In the window behind him, I can see snow falling gently.
“Hey, ass wipe,” he says.
A laugh rumbles out of me.
“Daddy said a bad word!” Clara screams in the background, and Evan swivels toward her, finger pressed to his lips.
“Shhh,” he hisses at his daughter. “Your mom will kill me.”
I can see her standing in the corner of his screen, hands on her little hips. She got Kate’s sass, and suddenly I feel sad that I only ever get to witness it on a phone screen.
“You know the deal,” she says.
Evan rolls his eyes, and the image on the screen shakes as he moves into the pantry. He reaches for a box of Girl Scout cookies—Thin Mints, which I know are his favorite—and pulls out two. When he turns around, Clara is standing at the door, hand outstretched.
He passes her the two cookies, and says, “You’re a menace.”
Her grin is wide and mischievous. “Thanks, Daddy.”
I watch as she runs off, throwing herself into a beanbag chair in the living room, and then Evan flips the camera around so it’sback on his face. He looks so defeated that I can’t help laughing again.
“I’ve raised a monster.”
I shrug. “Seems like a princess to me.”
“Same thing. Now, what did you want?”
“You called me.”
“Right,” he says, sinking onto his sofa. “Have you decided about Thanksgiving yet?”
He invites me to every holiday, and I usually have an ironclad excuse—work. But this year, my contact will be ending a few days before Thanksgiving, and I don’t have something lined up next. I consider telling him about Billings, but I know he will pounce. The thought of going back to Montana still feels too fresh, and I’m not sure if I’ll actually do it. I want to make the decision on my own.
I run a palm over the back of my neck. “Uh, I’m not sure yet. My contract here ends the weekend before Thanksgiving, but I haven’t signed another yet. I don’t know where I’m headed, or when.”
He nods, but I don’t miss the look of resignation on his face. For all my twin’s playful ribbing, he’s never given up on me. He’s always let me know I have a soft place to land with him should I ever want it. I never thought I would.
“Well, we’re having dinner here,” he says. “Kate’s parents are going to be visiting her sister in Vermont, so it’s just us this year. If you’re not working, we’d love to see you.”
“Please come, Uncle Jack!” Clara yells, diving into the frame, chocolate coating her lips. She snuggles into her dad’s side, and I watch as my brother’s face melts, his hand sliding down her hair. She looks like us at that age, her hair closer to blonde than brown, although I suspect it will darken as she gets older. Her eyes are the same clear, vivid blue.
I’ve only seen her in person a handful of times. Once, when I was working in Washington and Kate and Evan met me in the middle so I could meet her. She was already nine months old then, and when her chubby fingers wrapped around mine, a lump formed in my throat so thick I couldn’t swallow around it. Another time, they took her to Disneyland when I was working in Southern California. I went with them and got to watch her face light up when she met all her favorite characters. There’s been a few other times, little moments snatched here and there, but not nearly enough. Not for the first time, I’m wondering how much I’m missing by my inability to face my past.
“I’d like to, Clara,” I say. “I’ll see if it works out with my schedule, okay?”
She nods and climbs out of Evan’s lap. My brother looks at me. I can tell he’s disappointed in me, though he won’t voice it.
“How’re things there?” he asks, and I’m thankful for the change of subject.
“Good,” I tell him. “I like it here. The town is cool. People are nice.”
“You still liking the roommate?”
My eyes drift to Stevie’s door at the end of the hall. It’s open, but I can’t see inside from where I’m sitting. I know what it would look like though. Her bed made, her shoes lining the floor in a neat line in her closet. It smells like the perfume she wears, something earthy and a little masculine, a barely there scent I only catch when we’re standing close together.
“Yeah, Stevie’s great.” My voice comes out rougher than intended, and when I look back at the screen, Evan is watching me with raised brows.
A smirk slowly pulls at the edges of his lips. “Hmm.”
