"Every evening?"
"Every evening, yes… I'm sure it will pass. Just a virus or something." The broth is warm and salty, and it soothes the ache at the back of my throat from the bile that seems to burn every time I throw up.
Sorin folds her hands in her lap and goes quiet. When she looks back at me, she looks cautious and concerned again. "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"
The question seems so off the wall, I chuckle. "No, not at all," I tell her, but then my throat constricts as I think about the first time I slept with Roman, over a month ago now, not long after I came to live here. He's the only man I've ever slept with, and I never thought about using protection or having birth control. I was lost in the moment, maybe a little too lost.
And now I'm sick, and of course that makes sense. Dread bubbles up in my chest, making the nausea worse, but I swallow it down and sip the broth again. Oh, God, if I'm pregnant, what will Roman do then? And how will that affect his plan to marry one of the evil stepsisters?
"There was someone," I say, wincing. "It's possible." Shame grips me, making it hard to swallow now. I set the mug down so she doesn’t see my hands shaking and try not to let it show on my face either. How would Sorin and Rebecca react to knowing I’ve slept with their boss? Sara is just a child, really. She probably wouldn't think twice about it, but these older women would judge me.
Sorin's whole face changes. Her eyes go warm and a smile pulls at the corner of her mouth and she reaches for my hand. "Oh, Mila?—"
"Don't." I pull my hand back. "Don't be happy about it, please."
"Why not?" Sorin sits straighter now, looking confused. Her posture has changed too, to defensiveness.
"Because even if I wanted a baby with him, I can't have him." I set the water on the nightstand and press my palms over my eyes. "He's going to marry someone else, Sorin." Tears burn at my eyes, but with my hands pressing into my eye sockets, they can't escape.
I don't know if I want to have Roman's baby, but I do know that I don't want him to marry one of Vera's daughters. Not for power or money, and definitely not for love. My heart is all confused and messed up and I know I have such strong feelings for him. But I can't tell him. And I definitely can’t have his child, not if he's marrying someone else.
"You don't know that for sure, do you? When did you last speak to this man?"
Ignoring her question, I spit, "I do know that. He told me as much." I bite back the full truth because she can't know it's Roman. I know how loyal she is. She'd just go tell him. So I lie. "It's why I'm here. Okay? It's why I left that place."
Sorin's head drops as she nods and folds the apron corner over in her hand. Her shoulders slump slightly and I hear her sigh. "I'm sorry," she says. "That's a terrible place to be."
"Yeah, well what can I do?" I ask the question rhetorically. I don't need an answer, because even if I am pregnant, there's nothing I could do. I've made my bed and I have to lie in it. The possibility makes my rational brain start planning for every possibility. I don't have any money to run, but maybe I could get one of my father's men to give me some? I could do it in exchange for a release of my inheritance to them. They’ll run the business well, and I could vanish. It's an option.
"I can send Roman's doctor in. He's discreet and he could?—"
"No. No doctor." My blood runs cold. Roman's doctor means Roman will know, and I can't have that. "What would he say? What if he thinks I'm too fragile to do my job and makes me go back to washing toilets? So no…" I suck in a breath and blow it out slowly. "Besides, if it's a false alarm and it's just the flu, he'll get all worked up for nothing."
Sorin doesn't look happy about my wanting to keep a secret, but I can see that she respects my choice, for now. "Then what do you need?"
"Well, first of all, I need a friend." I lift my eyebrows and let my eyes plead with her. "Don't tell anyone, okay? This is sortof scary for me. I don't want anyone to know until I'm ready to tell them. And then I need a pregnancy test. I don't want to be worried and worked up if it's nothing."
Sorin presses her lips into a line, and I watch the conflict work through her. She cares about me but she answers to Roman, and keeping secrets from the man who runs this house goes against every instinct she has. I'm sure he has some rule about knowing everything that goes on under his roof.
"I don't feel right keeping this from him," she says.
"There's nothing to keep from him yet. If the test is negative, then there's no secret and no reason to have gotten him involved in the first place. And if it's positive—" The nausea surges, and I press the back of my hand against my mouth and breathe through it until it passes. "If it's positive, I'll deal with it then. But I need to know first. Please."
Sorin huffs out a sigh through her nose and scowls at me. She's really not pleased, but she stands slowly and with her head hanging, she says, "I'll be back within the hour… But if it's positive, we have to tell him. You need someone to care for you, and he will be furious if he knows I'm keeping a secret." She squeezes my shoulder on her way out and pulls the door closed behind her.
I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face in my knees.
Of all the things that could've happened, this is the one I wasn't ready for. How could I be so stupid? How could I let this happen? And what will Vera say when she finds out?
22
ROMAN
Ipour two fingers of whiskey and take it to the window and stand there looking out at the south lawn while I dial Vera's number. I'm not thrilled to be calling her, but in order for my plan to work well, I have to ensure she's playing her part. The only way to do this is to string her along, make her think I'm actually considering her foolish proposal.
"Roman," she purrs in manufactured warmth that disgusts me. "I was hoping you'd call. It's been too long."
"Hello, Vera. How have you been?" Cordiality is the bane of my existence with this woman. The things I'd love to do to her for what she's done to Mila are so unspeakable, I won't allow myself to think them while I'm on the phone with her.
