I wished I could be regal. Elegant. Emotionless.
Instead, I burst into tears.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I pressed a hand to my mouth to hide the noise. Through my tears, I saw Ryan move around the table, sitting beside me, one hand rubbing my back.
“It’s okay,” he said in a soothing voice.
“S-sorry,” I said, voice wobbly. “I’m being s-so stupid, crying about nothing.”
“That wasn’t nothing,” he said firmly. “Those people were atrocious. They went to high school with you?”
I nodded, looking straight ahead. I couldn’t bear to see his expression.
“Shit. I’m so sorry, Tessa. That would’ve been terrible.”
“They hated me.” My voice was raw. “I tried my best but no matter what I did, they just made fun of me. I used to be this weird, ugly girl.” I sniffed and tried to laugh. It sounded strangled. “Bet you never would’ve guessed, huh?”
“I’m sure you weren’t weird and ugly,” he said.
“Oh, but I was,” I insisted. “You should’ve seen me. After high school, I promised myself I’d never be a loser again. I made a conscious effort to be this.” I waved a hand at myself. “The kind of girl that goes to all the coolest parties and has a ton of friends. The kind of girl that boys actually like, not laugh at. That’s why I’ve never had a boyfriend. Why I was a virgin. Because only until a year ago, I was a pathetic, fugly freak.”
I expected Ryan to pull away, for his face to scrunch up in disgust. Instead he pulled me into his arms, my face buryinginto his shirt. I tried to protest, because I didn’t want to get my mascara tears on his nice shirt, but he didn’t care.
“I wish we went to high school together,” he murmured.
That…was not what I was expecting him to say.
“Huh?”
“Maybe if we went together, we could’ve been friends.”
“Would we even have been there at the same time? How old are you anyway?”
“Twenty three. You?”
“Nineteen,” I answered.
“I’m so sorry about what happened in high school, Tessa. But you are not a loser. You’re not a freak. And I find it impossible to believe you were ever ugly.” He pulled back and brushed a stand of hair from my face.
“It’s just…when I saw them…I suddenly felt so small.”
“If I ever see that guy again I’m going to punch him in the face.”
The shocked a laugh out of me. “Ryan! I never thought you were one for physical violence.”
He shrugged a shoulder. I inhaled a shuddery breath.
“Well,” I began. “Now you know that all of me is just an act.”
He put a finger under my chin, tilting it up so I was forced to look at him. “When I met you, Tessa, I didn’t know anything about you. All I knew was that you were drop dead gorgeous, and you were failing algebra. Yeah, I assumed you were just another party girl. Yes, I judged you for it, but when I was rude, you rightfully told me off. You stood up for yourself and I respected that. I realized you majored in history and you were way cleverer than I gave you credit for. And you were a fast learner. And you put in the work to pass your redemption exam. And you killed it.” His gaze raked over my face, as if he was trying to take in every detail. “And then, when you came to my apartment. You were so trusting and so into it, and all I wanted to do was takecare of you. Not that you can’t take care of yourself, but…I want to give you everything you want.” He took a deep breath. “I like being around you.”
I stared at him, and it was like everything that happened fifteen minutes ago melted away.
“When I swerved your kiss,” I began, “it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. I did want to. I really wanted to kiss you. But…I knew that it would confuse me. Because I felt myself catching feelings.”
I had wanted him before today, but the way he stood up for me, the way he comforted me sealed the deal. I now knew with certainty that he was a good guy. Someone kind. Someone I could trust. Someone I could love.
