I smiled. “You’re pretty cute yourself.”
That was all he needed, because the next moment he was leaning in. The kissing was…well, it was fine. The most exciting part about the whole thing was the confidence it gave me. The validation. This hot boy wanted me.Me.
It made me feel special.
It made me feel like I’d made it.
We made out on the couch, his hand on my thigh, massaging it gently.
“Hey,” he said, breath gusting over my lips. “You want to get out of here?”
Which is how I found myself being led out of the house, his hand holding mine, as we walked through campus. He led me to a dorm building as as soon as we stepped into the lobby, he pushed me up against the wall. “Can’t help myself,” he said, kissing me again. “Can’t wait to fuck you.”
That’s when my mind cleared. Maybe it’d been the alcohol, or I’d been wrapped up in the excitement, but I hadn’t been thinking properly before. I had just been enjoying myself, and the warmth of his hand on mine. But suddenly I realized where I was, and what this boy wanted. And part of me wanted to do it. Part of me really wanted to.
But…it was just too complicated. I didn’t want to explain myself. I didn’t want to get blood on his bedsheets. And if I was honest with myself, I didn’t want my first time to be with some random boy, with both of us tipsy with alcohol.
Because this was my big secret: I was a virgin.
CHAPTER TWO
No one knew I was a virgin. Not even my best friends.
When I first arrived at college, everyone assumed I wasn’t. People saw me leave parties with boys. People saw me flirt with confidence. I didn’t want to correct them, and even if I wanted too, it was too late.
No one could find out.
Now, I was up against a wall, and the guy — Harry? Harris? Harrison? — had his hands up me, sliding them up and down my sides before resting on my hips.
Sure, I wanted to lose my virginity. And yes, I wanted to have sex. I might’ve been a virgin, but I was horny as hell.
But I knew that tonight wasn’t the night.
“Um,” I said, pushing him back. “I…I feel sick.” I clutched my stomach for effect.
His brow creased with concern. “Too much beer? Do you think you’re going to throw up?”
I nodded, hands still on my tummy. “I gotta go. Sorry,” I said. And then I ran out of there.
On Monday evening, I was at the Cozy Bean cafe again. I’d had a day packed with classes — including Intro to Algebra — but Ryan had insisted on meeting after dinner.
I sipped on my hot chocolate as I waited for him to arrive, looking around the coffee shop. There were a few students around studying. In the corner, a couple laughed, their textbooks open on the table between them.
My heart twinged. It would be so cute to have a boyfriend to study with. Though to do that, I’d have to actually get a boyfriend first.
It shouldn’t be hard. I knew I was pretty. But since coming to college, I realized that most guys were into hookups and casual stuff. Not a real relationship. It just hadn’t happened for me yet. I just hadn’t met the one.
“Tessa,” a voice said, tearing me from my thoughts. It was Ryan, towering in front of me, looking as frosty as ever. In his hand, he held a glass of black coffee.
“Ryan. Hi.”
He sat down.
“How was your weekend?” I asked. Even if he was a dick, I could still be polite.
“Fine, thanks.”
I gave him a look, because was that all he was going to give me.
