He went still.
I took a moment to think back and — oh shit, had I really just said that?
“I mean…I just meant…” I stammered. “I don’t think you’re a nerd, or a loser. I wish I was as smart as you. And I’m sure you have a thriving social life with friends…lots of friends…and a girlfriend…you have a girlfriend, don’t you?” Oh god, I was just digging myself deeper and deeper into a hole.
“I don’t have a girlfriend.”
The words made my heart jump. I don’t know why.
“You’re very beautiful.” He said it in a matter of fact voice, but I felt my cheeks flame. “I’m sure it wouldn’t be hard to find someone.”
“It’s not a matter of finding someone,” I replied, hoping I wasn’t bright red. “Like you said. I need him to be patient and gentle.”
“If you had a boyfriend —”
“But I don’t have a boyfriend,” I replied, shrugging.
I didn’t want to talk about my love life. Because this wasn’t about love. It was about sex.
“I…” Ryan cut himself off, and started tapping his pen against the table.Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he seemed nervous.
“What?” I asked.
His eyes met mine. They were very green, like a lush fairytale forest. “I could help you.”
I stared at him, comprehension dawning slowly. My mouth parted.
“Forget it,” he said, and suddenly started packing his things. “It’s late. We should stop for tonight and —”
I reached out, putting a hand on his arm. He froze.
“Are you saying you would…with me?”
He didn’t meet my eyes. “Only if you wanted to.”
I didn’t have to think very hard about it. Sure, Ryan was attractive. Tall and handsome. But it was more than that. Despite all the times he’d been rude and unfriendly, I felt like I could trust him. Maybe it was stupid, but in my bones, I believed that when it mattered, he’d be tender and gentle.
“I want to,” I murmured.
His eyes widened, as if he didn’t expect me to agree.
“I want to get rid of my virginity as fast as possible,” I added, feeling I needed to explain myself. I noticed I was still touching his arm, and quickly let go.
He nodded, tongue flicking out to lick his lips. I found it very distracting. “I’m free tomorrow night,” he said slowly. “We can do it at my place.”
I nodded, my heart pounding.
Holy shit. This was really going to happen.
CHAPTER THREE
The following evening, I walked through campus, my stomach feeling like it had been tied up into a million knots. The past few hours had been…nerve wracking, to say the least. I’d had a long shower where I washed my hair, scrubbed and exfoliated my skin, and shavedeverywhere. Afterwards, I stood in front of my mirror, trying not to nitpick my naked body. I’d moisturized and then taken fifteen minutes to decide what to wear. I didn’t want to look like I tried too hard, but I wanted to be pretty too.
I wanted Ryan to want me. What if he couldn’t get hard because he didn’t think I was hot enough?
In the end I chose a black bra and matching underwear. It was comfortable, but with some sexy lace details. I put on a cream sweater and a long lilac skirt that I thought suited the spring season well.
Now, I checked Ryan’s address on my phone. He lived just off campus in an apartment building. I was pretty sure it was close to where Willow’s sister, Juliet, lived with her boyfriend.
