“Because I—” I stopped, exhaling sharply as I looked away.“I had things to figure out.Lori, the threat, everything she said—”
“Mm-hmm.”
I frowned.“You’re doing that thing again.”
“What thing?”
“That thing where you already decided I’m wrong and you’re just waiting for me to catch up.”
Mama V smiled faintly.“I don’t decide you’re wrong, Savannah.You just usually prove it all by yourself.”
I let out a quiet huff, but there wasn’t much fight behind it this time.
“You just think about this,” she continued, her voice softening just slightly.“If he had called that night of the fight… would you have answered?”
I didn’t look at her because the answer wasn’t as straightforward as I wanted it to be.Tensions were high that night and even though Nerissa talked me down, I wasn't in a clear headspace until the morning after.
“I don’t know,” I finally admitted.
“Mm.And if he showed up after your cousin?Would you have cut ties because it was easier?And I ain't talkin’ about easy decisions.Would you have ended things to run away from your feelings for him?”
My chest tightened as I pictured it—the
uninvited, unexpected complication of Jaxon at my door.I remembered how panicked I was after she left, and if he had shown up, there was no telling what I would have said or done.
“I…” I exhaled slowly.“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”
I closed my eyes briefly, shaking my head.
“That’s not fair.”
The room felt quieter now.Heavier.
“Baby,” she said after a moment, “you keep talkin’ about what he hasn’t done, but all I’m hearin’ is what you haven’t done, either.”
I swallowed, my fingers curling slightly against my arm.My pacing began again as my mind whirled, not wanting to face the truth.“I was going to apologize to him before Lori showed up.”
“But you didn't, now, did you?Don't you try to loophole me, child.You were just as quiet as he's been.For all you know, he's been giving you the space to figure things out.”
“Jaxon isn't exactly the giving-me-space type.”
He was the type to show up even when I didn't want him there.He was the type to let me kiss him just to prove a point to my ex.He was the type to buy fake gifts to embarrass my cousin at her bridal shower.He was the type to give me the reassurance I didn't even think I needed after thinking I was broken and damaged.He was the type to make me forget the world and just focus on him.
“You gave your heart to someone once and he mishandled it.That doesn't mean you stop feeling altogether.”
My throat tightened.
“That boy Chase did a number on you, but they're not all like that.And honey, it's okay to be guarded, but it's also okay to be vulnerable and accept blessings when they come to you.It's okay to let go of the hurt in order to feel something new again.”
Chase.
That's what it always boiled down to.
This was never about the threats or the arguments.I made them important—another brick in the wall I built around my heart after the carnage Chase left behind.
“I can't be hurt again, Grandma,” I whispered, nails digging into my forearms as I hugged myself tighter.
