Something she was still working her way toward.
“And then I realized—or, well, I had help coming to the realization—but still,” she said, quieter now.“I realized that this wasn't about Lori, or Chase, or my family, or even you.The common denominator is me.I'm the one who doesn't open up, and a lot of the time, that involves me shutting down or shutting people out, and that's not okay.What I said to you wasn't okay.”
Her voice wavered slightly but I heard it, and it tore down my defenses.
“And I told myself it was about staying in control.The more you're in control, the less you'll be hurt, or disgraced, or discarded.No one can hurt you if you don't let them in, and it keeps things clean and simple.When they walk away—because they always walk away—then it doesn't hurt when they leave because you weren't attached to them in the first place.And that's what I've had to get used to.My mom, Chase… I've never been anyone's choice.No one's ever stayed for me, so why would you?That's what was going through my mind.”
My chest tightened slightly at the sight of tears rolling down her cheeks.
“Sav—”
“And I know it's stupid.I know I’m not easy.Iknowthat.I overthink everything, I push when I should probably just—feel things, and I shut down when it matters.And it’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I care too much and I don’t know what to do with it.”
Her voice cracked.
“I don't want to be cold, or frigid, or broken, or replaceable.Not when it comes to you.Jaxon, I didn’t trust you when this all started, not because of who you used to be, but because of what you made me feel.I didn't want to put myself in the line of fire just to end up hurt and alone again.”
“Savannah—”
“I'm terrified, okay?!”She was pacing now, the towel falling off her shoulders as her hands waved exasperatedly.“Absolutely terrified of letting someone in and having it fall apart again.Of giving someone that kind of power over me and losing everything.I tried to convince myself that I could just walk away from thisarrangement,but I can't,” she said, shaking her head and breathing out a laugh.“I didn’t understand why at first, and it was driving me insane because none of this makes sense and I don’t do things that don’t make sense.And yet I was walking through the rain for you.And yeah, I'd probably walk a dozen more.”
She let out another shaky, almost breathless laugh, her hands running through her hair.And when she turned to me, a look of defeat was on her face.
“So yeah, here I am, stupidly in love with you, Jaxon, and that is fucking terrifying for me, because I don't know what to do with that.I don't know what to do if I lose you.I know this is messy, andGod,everyone knows I hate messy, and I don't know where you stand with things.You're probably going to walk away and—”
Whatever foolishness she was about to say, I cut her off with two strides.I closed the distance between us, my hands framing her face as I pulled her into me and kissed her.
Hard.
I let her feel everything I'd been holding back for the past two days.She froze for half a second before she melted into me, and that alone had me groaning.
Fuck, I missed this.
Her hands fisted into my shirt, gripping tight as she kissed me back just as fiercely, just as desperately, like everything she’d been holding in finally had somewhere to go.I pushed forward, bracing her hard against the door, not giving a fuck about the wetness of her clothes.
Those soft lips and sweet little whimpers were going to lead me to my death.Our lips moved in sync, and it was as if we'd never been apart.My phone buzzed for the third time and I cursed, painfully dragging my lips away from hers and digging out the phone.
Benji's name flashed across the screen.
“Cage, what the hell—”
“She's fine, we're fine, go away.”
Then I hung up.
I leaned my forehead against hers, both of us breathing a little heavier than before.One hand moved to press against the door and I leaned in, waiting for those beautiful eyes to flutter open so she could see how serious I was with what I was about to say.
“You are never going to lose me, trouble.You think I can walk away from you after you've practically put your stamp on my soul?I'm yours, Savannah, and everyone fucking knows I'm not going anywhere.”
She stared wide-eyed at me, but I kept going.
“I screwed up with the Chase situation, and I'm sorry I put you in that position.But I'll never be sorry for protecting you.That's just not me.We'll argue and make up because that's what real relationships are—that's what I want with you.Give me something real.”
Her breathing hitched.
“What if you get bored?Or tired of dealing with—”
“I'm in love with you.”
