I take the back roads, the gloomy storm that’s rolled over the mountains matching my mood and only adding to my melancholy. I should be concerned about the show, but I can’t bring myself to be.
Not when my brain is full of Julia. And the sight of that smile vanishing from her face.
She left.I hurt her. And she left.
It doesn’t even matter that it was unintentional. Or that it was all Evelyn. She couldn’t stay to watch, and I’msickwith knowing I put her in that position.
And her phone going straight to voicemail has done nothing to help my nausea.
I drive until I end up at her building. Then I get out of my truck and stand in the pouring rain, staring up at the windows, wondering which unit might be hers.
Is she home? Is she still awake? Would she even want to see me?
My phone buzzes incessantly, and I finally pull it from my pocket. Messages from Richard fill the screen, many of them in all caps. They demand my return. They threaten adjusting the contract.
“Go fuck yourself, Dick Wad,” I mutter. But my voice comes out watery, more forlorn than angry. I suck in a few deep breaths as I pocket the phone again and turn away from Julia’s building. I can’t go see her like this. Sad, desperate, and confused.
So I walk. Rain pelts down in fat drops, soaking me to the bone. I walk.
And I walk.
And I walk.
And I think. Something I often avoid doing too much of, because heavy thinking typically uncovers heavy feelings for me.
I realize I should be concerned about the fall-out from fleeing the rodeo and blowing off filming, but that’s not where my anxiety lies. I can play that off as me having a diva moment. I have a solution for that.
What I don’t have a solution for is Julia. And all these…feelings.
It’s taken me numerous blocks of despondently walking circles through downtown Emerald Lake to realize that what I’m terrified of losing is her.
Something I’ve never felt before. Something I don’t know how to process.
It feels monumental, like I’m staring into the mouth of a shark about to swallow me whole. I take a deep breath, trying to name what I’m feeling.
Resigned. Because what is there to do?
Petrified. Because I realize that everything I thought I knew is about to change.
And certain. Because despite all my wallowing and spiraling, my feet have instinctively led me back here.
To her building.
Because in spite of the way the entire world seems to be burning around us, I refuse to leave her with any doubts about how I feel.
CHAPTER 33
Julia
LIGHTNING FLASHES ACROSSthe sky, and rain pummels the floor-to-ceiling windows of my condo. I’ve made myself a cup of coffee and sit curled in a tight ball on my couch. Watching. Thinking.
Okay, more like spiraling.
Seeing Emmett on the bull today stirred so many feelings inside of me. Terror. Pride. Anxiety. Awe. Dread.
And then the heart-stopping realization that I’ve gone and done what I’ve always sworn I wouldn’t: gotten attached to a fucking cowboy.
Which made watching Evelyn bound toward him like he washersdownright painful.
