“It’s a massive amount, but I could make that happen. I think a few smaller installments would work.”
“But you can come up with that much cash in a few days?”
Raiden hedges. He’s the club’s VP, but he used to do all the accounting, and still does most of it. “We have it.”
We all know what he’s not saying. It’s not like a couple million is going to clean out the club. We have tons of assets, but most of them are tied up in real estate, stocks, and crypto. It wasn’t always like that, but over the past few years, we’ve tried to take the club in another direction. Some of the guys have already done years in jail. No one wants to be there again or end up there. Not when they have kids and old ladies and wives now. It’s not just them that they have to look after.
“We can figure it out later,” Raiden says. “It won’t hurt for long. Unless someone else has a crazy emergency come up, we’ll be okay.”
I try not to study Esme too outright or too boldly, but my eyes keep straying to her despite my best efforts. It’s been so long since I saw her for more than a few hours on a single night a year, that I almost forgot how longing works.Almost. Seeing her staring her down into her coffee, lips thinned out to keep them from wobbling, lashes fluttering rapidly over eyes glossy with tears, chin quivering despite her efforts to be brave—it’s a lot. I want to hold her. I want so fucking badly to keep her safe from all of this.
I can’t allow myself to rest my hand over hers when I notice her fingers tremble on the tabletop or waver on the handle of her mug. It’s not my right. I can’t touch her with any intentions other than pure comfort. I want to do that, but if it’s more, I need to get my head on straight and find other ways to let her know I’m here for her. I was always so careful about shutting all of that down. I told myself what I wanted was secondary. It was second to our friendship. A good friend helps their bestie thrive. I thought I was helping her find what she wanted.
Raiden starts listing off a number of properties that could be put up for sale immediately, in order to give the club some cashflow after the debt is paid. Lynette listens attentively, nodding in agreement at every single suggestion.
It’s hard to pay attention to them when Esme is so close, smelling like my shampoo, wearing my clothes. I’m half feral seeing her in them, even if my t-shirt is like a billowing bag swallowing her whole.
There’s a good chance that this yearning is going to kill me before any of this is over. I know what it is to want something so very badly. I know what it’s like to miss all your chances to speak up and say something, and then it just being… too late. This would be a terrible time to let her know, so I have to keep it hidden. She thinks I’m bad at that, and I guess I am, but not so bad that she’s figured me out.
Maybe I should have told her the truth instead of letting life take her away. It was confusing then. It hasn’t got any better with time.
I wish my grandpa was still alive. We could go back to his house, to his gardens, and stand there together like we did when we were growing up. No matter what bullshit was going on in the real world, when we were there, everything made sense.
I shake my head to clear away the tunnel of memories. Tyrant looks at me. I have no idea what was just said and it looks like I don’t agree. I nod too, face heating up, and try to hide my expression behind the massive mug. I take a deep pull and grimace immediately as the bitter seeps all over my tongue and burns like real acid down into my stomach.
Esme pulls her engagement ring out of the pocket of her sweats.Mysweats. She sets it down on the table with asmall clunk and pushes it across. “Wizard said that I don’t have to repay the debt,” She swallows noisily and her thick lashes flutter madly. “But I want to help. I don’t want this anymore. I… already decided that before any of this happened. If you could sell it, you should keep the money. Or donate it to help people here in Hart. I’d like that. I’m also going to list the house and sell my car. There’s not much money in either, but I can give that to you too, when it does sell. If I don’t, and James gets ahold of it, you’ll never see a cent of it.”
Lynette is biting down on her lower lip, probably to keep from blurting out something about my brother that we all already know anyway. “Could you write up paperwork that I can get James to sign, relinquishing all his assets to Esme?”
“The car is in my name,” Esme mumbles. “The mortgage is in both of ours. He already cleaned out the bank account. My savings account is my own.”
“He’ll have to sign for the sale of the house, but other than that, I won’t need to write anything up.”
“You should keep your car,” I argue. “For now, at least. Sell it when this is all over and you know you won’t need something.”
“I want to go back to Seattle right now and call a real estate agent. I don’t want to go back to the house. The sooner it’s gone, the better. I—I don’t know what to do with everything in it.”
She looks at me pleadingly. She’s tried so hard to hold herself together. I can see how tired and sad she is. I definitely notice the way her shoulders curl in until her belly button looks as though it’s touching her spine.
“You could sell it furnished? Take the things you want. Pack up the small things and I’ll have a charity come to pick up the boxes? We would go with you.” I blurt out the last bit before I have a chance to think. It’s not my call to make decisions like that, unless I’m solely offering my own time.
“That’s right,” Tyrant confirms. “You can’t go back to your house without at least three of us with you, and you shouldn’t sleep there. Those men could show up there at any time. Who knows what they would do. Threats, intimidation, they might even try and take you until the debt is paid. I can’t allow that to happen. Even after we pay it, something else could come up. We don’t know the full extent of what James did.”
“That’s right,” I sigh. “He could have kept things from me when I called him. He confessed to this readily enough because it was obvious. He said he borrowed this massive amount to pay his other debts, but he might owe others.”
“I’d like to send some of the guys with you and have them with you at all times. We can wire the money this evening, when Wizard confirms where it should be sent, but it might take some time to figure that out.”
“No time,” I say, probably more confidently than I should. “These guys will pick up when I call.”
“Still…” Tyrant hedges. “I’d like some of us with Esme at all times when she’s in Seattle.” He directs his next question at Esme. “If you’re listing the house, do you have any idea where you’ll go?”
Esme immediately swivels to me. It knocks the wind out of me that I’m the first person she looks to, even if I’m the obvious choice. I’m already half haywire, feeling like a dick for studying her too often. For feeling. For wanting. Myprotective instincts go wild at her untethered expression. I want to hug her into me and promise her that I’ll keep her safe from anything and everything. I want to be her solution, her shelter, her safe place. I want to behomefor her. I’ve always wanted that.
She was going to be your sister-in-law, asshole. Stuff it down. Stuff it down like you always have. It’s worked before. It will work again.
Except it didn’t work before. I controlled myself perfectly while I was awake, but nothing stopped the dreams. They’ve plagued and haunted me for years. Dreams where she reached for me. Where I’d reach for her. Where she’d touch me. Love me. Dreams where we were more than just lovers. We were one body, one person, one soul. Dreams that I woke up shattered from, my hand on my cock, or face down in the pillow, humping the mattress like a hopelessly horny teenager.
I shouldn’t be thinking about any of this here. Not the time, not the fucking place.
