Journey let out a ragged breath. “You leaned in, Micah. You never contradicted anyone. You made jokes. You were always on fucking apps—different dates every other night. If you had told me—if you had told anyone—that they were full of shit, I would have defended you. Even if you’d been on a hundred dates, if you’d said even once that it wasn’t like that, I would have had your back.”
I had to take that one. It was true. I’d leaned in so hard and so fast, and at the time, it had been a relief that Journey believed the bullshit. It was easier to let him think that it was just him I couldn’t get it up for.
And in a way, maybe it was like that. I still struggled. It wasn’t a fuck fest every night with me and Vanya. Now that we’d settled into something like a routine, my libido went quiet more than it got loud.
But Vanya never cared.
He was the exception to all my rules. He was my everything. And now that I was exploring that maybe it wasn’t just trauma, maybe I was somewhere on the ace spectrum, I also could trust he’d be there with me as I figured out who I was without all the masks.
“I’m sorry I lied,” I finally said. “I was trying to protect myself, and I went about it the worst way possible.”
Journey stepped closer to me. “Can I touch you?”
“Yeah, but be careful. Vanya’s probably watching, and hewillrip your balls off.”
Journey burst into laughter and yanked me into a hug. “I’ll take the risk. I knew something was off with you, and I should have checked in, and I’m so sorry I didn’t. I’m just glad you’re okay, and I’m sorry about the things I said. And I’m sorry it took until tonight to realize it was wrong, no matter what.”
“I accept your apology.” I held him back for a long moment, then let go. “I like having you as a friend. I don’t want that to change.”
“It won’t. And now that I own your boyfriend?—”
“Say that to my face,” came Vanya’s booming voice.
I grinned. I knew he’d been watching. I hadn’tbeen able to hear his footsteps, but I swear to god it was supernatural the way I could feel his presence like a second heartbeat. Journey let me go completely, and Vanya was quick to take his place.
“Fine. I own your team, and I like you,” he added, making Vanya squeeze me tighter. “I’ll be around more often now, and I’d like to go back to the way it was. When it was good.”
“I will think about it,” Vanya said.
I elbowed him. “I get to decide.”
He huffed and nosed my ear. “Fine. But I will be jealous.”
“You don’t need to be,” Journey said softly. “Things have been good for me lately. I’m not ready to say why—or tell you who—but it’s…it’s been nice.”
I smiled and leaned back into Vanya’s arms. “I’m glad. You deserve it. You were one of the few people willing to be careful with me. Whoever has you is lucky.”
“I am too,” Journey said. “Anyway, I’ll let you two have your moment. I think the guys are getting restless.”
“We’re kind of being bad hosts,” I said, turning in Vanya’s arms as I listened to Journey make his way back up to the house.
Vanya hummed and lifted my chin to kiss me. “They’ll get over it.”
They would. They always did. And they didn’t love me less for it.
Vanya brushed a touch along my jaw, and it mademy heart beat a little harder. “You ready for one more season?”
“I think I am,” I told him. And this year, I would make it a good one. Maybe we wouldn’t make playoffs. Maybe I wouldn’t win awards, but I felt like for the first time, I could give myself fully to the game. As a gift. As my final goodbye.
Because so many good things would be waiting for me when it was over.
EPILOGUE
MICAH: ONE YEAR LATER
“Oh my god,we can’t…fuck. Baby. This is such a bad idea!”
“No. Is very good idea. Best idea I have ever have.” He thrust harder, and the world spun, my feet almost losing their grip on the bathroom floor.
