He swallowed heavily, then shook his head. “No. But I told you we can’t do this.”
“Yes. I remember. I just need you to understand difference, pretty little goalie. When I flirt, it is this. When I tell Caleb he is good at blacksmithing or that I like his apron, is just honest. And I am sorry that your family give you such pain you think someone being nice mean they wanting something from you.”
“You want something from me,” Micah said, voice rough.
“Yes.” I wasn’t going to lie to him. “I want a lot of things from you. But only if you want to give. And not because I am sorry for you or because I can tell you are lonely.”
“Fuck you. I’m not?—”
“Yes.” I stopped his words before he could finish his sentence. I didn’t want him to lie to me, and if I had to save him from himself, I would. “Yes, you are. Is okay. Lonely happens. I am lonely all the time. But is not why I want you either.”
There was a long pause, and then Micah asked, “Why do you want me? You see what a hot fucking mess I am. Why…why me?”
“You want me to list all the reasons?” I asked with a tiny laugh.
Micah opened his mouth, then closed it and took a step back. Then another. Then another. My hands drifted from his body and fell back to my sides, and I watched him orient himself with the tip of his cane before turning back to face me.
“No. I…I don’t.”
He was lying again, but this time, I let him keep his deception.
“Let me give you ride home,” I said.
As the words left my mouth, a car pulled around the corner, this time with the Uber sign glowing in the window. My heart twisted in my chest, and I was a little crushed. It felt like this was a moment missed—like it was something that might have been, but I wasn’t strong enough to seize it.
“See you around,” Micah said quietly as he made his way toward the car.
“You will be safe, yes?” I called out.
Micah froze, then nodded. “I’ll be safe. But, uh…if I need you, can I call?”
My breath left me in a rush. “Yes, pretty little goalie. Anytime you need me, I will be there.”
He said nothing else as I watched him climb into the Uber, fold his cane, then lean his head against the window as it pulled away from the curb and left the lot.
It wasn’t everything. It wasn’t what I wanted.
But it was something, and that something, for now, would have to be enough.
CHAPTER SEVEN
MICAH
“For five million dollars…”
“Yes. Immediately yes. I told you before, I would do sick, depraved things for five million in cash.” I shifted on the bench, leaning back against my stall as I adjusted my chest pads.
Antoine groaned loudly. “Tabarnak! You never let me finish! Why are you in such a bad fucking mood all the time? This is our thing, and you’re acting like I’m being the dick here.”
I felt instantly guilty. “Sorry, you’re right. This isn’t your fault. Shit’s just…complicated right now. Please keep going.”
Leaning all the way forward until my back cracked, I adjusted my pads a little tighter. It really wasn’t Antoine’s fault. Like all of us, he was a creature of superstition and habit, and this was just what we did right before we were going to take the ice. It was me who was changing. Me who was all fucked-up. And it wasn’t fair of me to take it out on the others.
Things were just…hard.
I was already distracted enough by the fact that Vanya was still in my space, that I wanted him even more than before, and that Hunter was still trying to get to me.
After I’d left the arena and the safety of Vanya’s arms, I had a full-blown panic attack and did my best to hide it from the driver. I got home, then freaked out again realizing that there could be someone in my house and I wouldn’t know it until they were on me.
