The feeling he gave me was something wholly alien, and I didn’t have the words for it.
“You can put on TV or something if you want,” I told him. “I might pass out, but it won’t bother me.”
“No. Is okay. This is nice.”
It was. I didn’t want to admit it though. I took in a deep breath, filling my lungs until I no longer could, then let it out.
“Is helping? Your…anxiety?” he asked like he was unsure of the word.
I snorted and pressed both hands over my face. “Not really. I mean, this is great for tonight, but what the fuck am I going to do after this weekend?”
“Call police?” When I scoffed, he rolled toward me. “I understand is not best option. Is…maybe not going to help. Bad guys are bad guys, even with police. But he is wrong to hurt you like this.”
“It’s more complicated than just calling the police, okay?” I told him. I was trying not to be irritated, but he didn’t get it. No one did. Hunter had ways to ruin me that would last. That would linger. That would force me to redefine myself before I was ready.
“Help me understand.” He shifted close enough that his knees pressed against the outside of my thigh. “Only if you want.”
I did. Fuck me, but I wanted to tell him everything. And maybe it was because I had reached my breaking point—or maybe it was because I was tiredand had lost all ability to control myself—but I felt something inside me crack.
“This stays between us, okay? Like, circle of trust.”
“Circle of trust,” he repeated, not quite a statement, and not quite a question.
“It means you can’t tell anyone, no matter how much you want to. Even if you think it’s for my own good.”
Vanya sucked in a breath, then let it out in a slow hiss. He stiffened against me. I could feel it in the way his shoulder twitched against my arm.
“Promise me,” I whispered.
There was a long pause, then, very quietly, he said, “Okay.”
I don’t know why I trusted him. I had no reason to at all. But he was here, and so was I. “I’m sure you know what people think about me,” I started. “About my reputation and how I’m, ah…you know, like, very sexual.” I should have just used one of the words people threw at me, but this was hard enough to say.
He hummed softly. “Yes. But I don’t always believe people. Your brother, he tell me something like that before I left his house.”
I stiffened. “What did he say?”
Vanya was quiet, and I knew he didn’t want to answer.
I let out a heavy sigh. “I promise it’s fine. I know what people say about me. It’s not going to hurt worse than everything else he’s said.”
His hand found mine, and he twisted our fingers together, stroking his thumb over my wrist. I had a feeling that wasn’t just for me. It was for him too. “He told me that you…get around. I think is how he said it.”
“That I’m a slut,” I said a little bitterly.
Vanya sucked in a breath. “He was…warning me. Say you’re not good guy for more than just one night.”
“Right. I mean, that’s kind of my thing, according to anyone you’ll ask.” Anyone but Hugo, but he’d been keeping my secret for me too.
Vanya hummed softly and rolled a little closer toward me. “Lies.”
“How the fuck would you know?”
“Because I know you. I know a lot of guys, yeah? Some have wives, and they cheat. Some have husbands they don’t love. Some are like your friends—my new friends,” he clarified. “They’re different. Even if they’re not…I don’t know the English word for it. Where they have only one person they love?”
“Monogamous,” I offered.
“Yes. Some are, some aren’t, but difference from other people is they’re happy. And I know you want that.”
