Jay had spent many hours wishing this woman was his mother. Wishing he’d been raised in the loud, boisterous Duke household. Where mistakes were talked through instead of buried. Where you weren’t made to feel like your existence was an inconvenience.
“Well then,” Robyn said softly, “you need to tell her that. Dan’s filled me in on some of what’s going on, but out of respect for your friendship, not all.”
Jay swallowed, his throat suddenly tight with emotions he’d forced down deep inside him for too long.
“I have a half sister, Robyn. I found out through the DNA kit Dan got me.”
“Oh, Jay.” Her hand flew to her chest. “That’s wonderful.”
“You’d think it would be.” He took another swallow of coffee, more to buy time than because he wanted it. “But all I could think was… what if she’s like that woman?”
He couldn’t say “mother.” The word got stuck. Jay felt Robyn’s eyes on the side of his face. Steady. Unwavering.
“Now you listen to me carefully, Jay, because I need you to understand this.”
He shot her a look. Her eyes were narrowed slightly. Never a good sign.
“You are nothing like your mother. So chances are, neither is your half sister. Something inside the woman who birthed you was broken from the start, but you are not. Understood?”
“Yes, Robyn.”
She leaned closer. “Look at me.”
He did.
“You are not broken, and you are not doomed to repeat her mistakes. You are not going to wake up one day and realize you’ve turned into her.”
Her words cut to the heart of what he’d often believed.
“Sometimes it feels like it,” he admitted quietly. “Like there’s something in my blood that’s just… wrong. I lose my temper, or I shut down, and I think—that’s it. That’s what she was like. Cold. Angry. Selfish.”
Robyn’s hand came down on his knee, warm and steady.
“Jay Haddon, I have watched you show up for this family again and again. I’ve watched you put other people first when you had every reason not to trust anyone. I’ve seen you sit with Dan when he was hurting, and stand beside Asher when things got rough, and look at Ally with the love we all feel. That’s not selfish and definitely not cold.”
He looked away again because her faith in him was almost too much to bear.
“I don’t know how to be a father,” he said. The words were barely above a whisper. “I didn’t have one, so I don’t have a blueprint. What if I mess it up and hurt my kid without meaning to?”
Robyn’s grip tightened.
“Then you ask for advice when you need it. Always apologize when you’re wrong, and show up for them, Jay, even on the days you don’t have the energy to. That’s the blueprint. That’s it. Parenting right is hard. There is no getting around that fact. Showing up and being in your kids’ lives full time isn’t easy, but it’s the best job that I ever had.”
He let out a shaky breath.
“You’re already worried about hurting your child. That tells me everything I need to know. It tells me you care, and that’s step one.”
Silence filled the car, thick and heavy, but it wasn’t suffocating.
“I love her,” Jay said suddenly. He needed to go to her now and tell her that.
The words startled even him. They’d been circling his mind for weeks, but saying them out loud felt like stepping off a cliff.
Robyn’s smile bloomed slowly, then filled her entire face.
“Oh, Jay, I could not be happier for you,” she whispered.
“I’ve loved her for a while, but I thought it was too soon to feel like that.”
