The room faded. She inhaled. She had to stop holding her breath or she would actually pass out. Mattie squeezed her shoulder. She hoped she didn’t get bubble gut from the stress and have to run for the bathroom. Courthouses gave her the runs.
“In that case,” the judge said, shuffling papers around, “petition granted.”
Reg sobbed big man sobs, loud and urgent, but Ronnie could barely hear him. The courtroom frosted over.
She settled back into her body with a hot flush, drunk with relief. All around her, smiling people touched her and patted her arms.
On autopilot, floating above the courtroom, she hugged her dad and kissed the top of his head. He was the reason she was a halfway functional human being.
Ronnie’s lawyer shook her hand. “See how easy? I told you not to worry.”
“Is that it?” Ronnie asked.
“That’s it,” the lawyer agreed, shouldering her purse. “Shared parental responsibility means joint custody. You got equal time, which is what you both asked for. Go home and celebrate.”
Blood rushed out of her head and back in. She held onto the back of the bench. “No conditions?” she asked, unable to believe it. This whole thing disoriented her. Nothing had ever gone her way before. She wasn’t used to it. She wasn’t used to anything being easy.
The lawyer shook her head.
Ronnie hugged her. “Thank you.” Hopefully this would be the last time she saw her. She never wanted to step foot here again.
Maude and Rainbow had already slipped out through the crowd. She didn’t blame them. She wanted to get out of here.
She put her arm around Mikey, then followed the tide of smiling faces out of the courtroom.
She couldn’t wait to see Rainbow. Hoped her daughter was happy.
Please let this be as good for her as it is for me…
Out in the hall, Maude walked over alone and hugged her. Maude had dressed the part of the sophisticated urban professional in a tight shirt with a plunging neckline, short black pencil skirt and heels. She smelled like vanilla. Maude pulled back first.
Ronnie straightened. “Listen.” She swallowed. She needed to get this off her chest. It was now or never. “That time you squashed me with the frozen corn, my wrist was broken. You probably didn’t know that.”
Maude’s expression fell. “No, I didn’t.”
“You scared me. You shouldn’t do that to people. It was really upsetting.”
“Sorry. I had no idea. I feel terrible.” Maude’s neck flushed and her eyes got a glazed look in them. “I was joking around. I thought you could take it. You should have said something. You were acting tough and macho, like riding a kid’s board wasn’t idiotic, and I wanted to teach you a lesson. People pretending they’re fine when they’re not is one of my pet peeves. I had been drinking wine and arguing with my mother. I’m sorry I over-reacted. It won’t happen again.”
Reg inserted himself between them and led Ronnie away towards the open doors. With her peripheral vision she saw Maude say something to Mattie and receive the cold shoulder.
Finally, there in the bright lobby, she saw the reason for all of this—wearing a sparkly purple mermaid backpack. Her favorite person in the world.
She picked her up.
Rainbow hugged her around the neck.
She carried her across the marble floor covered in dark veins, out of the courthouse and down the twenty-one steps.
38
RIND EATER
Ronnie wanted to apologize, but didn’t know how. Rainbow rode beside her in the passenger seat. Ronnie didn’t know how to sayI wiped shit off your bum for years. My shirt is how you wipe your hands. I’m your crust eater, your rind eater, your cereal milk drinker.She was also the perpetrator of a violent crime. It would have been selfish to ask for forgiveness now.
“This is the second happiest day of my life, after the day you were born.” It sounded trite, but it was true. She felt free for the first time in over a decade. She had been minimizing the hearing in her mind, afraid to admit how life-changing getting her parental rights back would be. She was a mother again on paper. Until today, she and Rainbow hadn’t legally been related. She could have been arrested for kidnapping her own daughter. Surreal.
This must be how Reg felt when he adopted her when she was eighteen. She understood now why he was so overprotective.
