Her friend’s face was annoyingly far below hers, handsome and kissable. Ronnie licked her lips. “I want to snog you.”
Nev exhaled in a snort, palms warming on Ronnie’s lower back. “After.” Moonlight confetti mottled Nev’s flushed neck and ears.
Ronnie grinned. She wanted to watch Nev turn into a little Napoleon, drunk on her own power. Wanted to go on that haunted house ride with her, to watch Nev lose control, to create space for Nev to feel limitless. “Go on, then. Do whatever you’ve been fantasizing about.”
Nev ran her hands down Ronnie’s back again, which felt amazing on her bare skin, then frowned.
Ronnie sighed, impatient. “Babe…” She wiggled her elbows on either side of her ears. “I don’t have all night. I’ve let you tie me up inside a tree and I’ve indicated that I’m keen. This is all very vanilla for me. Cut to the good part. The cat is out of the bag. We’ve already crossed the big scary bridge of no return. I understand that you want to talk about everything first, but that’s not necessary for me. You are the sweetest fucking loon and whatever it is you’ve been fantasizing about can’t hurt me. I love that we’re doing this. I have a high pain tolerance. The only thing that I wouldn’t like is poop stuff.”
“That hadn’t crossed my mind.”
“See? That’s why I trust you. You don’t know about poop stuff.”
Nev touched her.
Ronnie’s body responded involuntarily. As a bored adolescent, she used to touch electric fences for fun. Whateverkind of bogan that made her, she was still that. She drew a shaky breath, willing herself to relax. Electricity lit a small fire in her belly. Touch awakened her skin.
She slipped her right foot off the bar then dropped, tension starting in her wrists and shoulders. She slipped her left foot off the bar, hung in midair.
As more muscles engaged, breathing became difficult. Warmth spread through her shoulders and migrated between her shoulder blades. She imagined a burning ball of light on her trapezius where the bar left little red kisses when she went for a PR in squats.
She hung there, letting her body get used to the tension in her shoulders and the burn in her belly and glutes.
Nev looked up at her. “Does that feel nice?”
“You have no idea.”
Ronnie inhaled, expanding her chest, rocking her hips to see what that added. Moving felt good. She closed her eyes.
“Still all right?” Nev asked.
Ronnie’s breath caught. She couldn’t speak, so she nodded.
She felt hands unbuttoning her jeans and opened her eyes to watch Nev unzip the zipper and tug the loose denim down a few inches, stopping at her hips.
Nev froze.
Panting from the strain of holding herself up with her arms, Ronnie wondered what was taking her friend so long. She needed to be touched.
Nev stared at the newly exposed skin.
Nev was beautiful—not feminine or masculine, but herself. If Ronnie’s hands had been free, she would have sunk them into Nev’s short hair, would have given her something tangible to bring her back and keep her tied to the present.
She wasn’t offended that Nev appeared to be having doubts. Nev’s idiosyncrasies were part of her, part of the package. Therewas no button to press to return to factory settings for either of them. If there had been, she wasn’t sure she would have pushed it.
Whatever this was felt real. Nev wouldn’t judge her and wouldn’t leave—Nev couldn’t leave Upsend Downs. She might second guess shagging Ronnie and decide she wanted to be friends without benefits, but she would still be there in the morning.
Ronnie leaned forward and looked down to see what had made Nev stop. Ronnie’s abs looked shredded from this angle.
Nev was kneeling, staring at the scar.
Ronnie relaxed and let gravity lengthen her spine, detaching her vertebrae like plastic beads on one of Rainbow’s elastic bracelets.
A riflebird called through the dark like a whip snapping.
Nev appeared deep in silent conversation with the line of scar tissue that ran above the zipper of Ronnie’s jeans, studying it the way she had the ocean in Cairns, the way she stared at the sheep.
Ronnie felt like she was intruding.
