She looked down at her plate of eggs. “I don’t know. We’re not together.”
“Were you?”
She shrugged without looking up. “He thought we were.”
“Not into long distance? He bailed on you, eh? Are you going to tell him?”
She swallowed. The low-level headache was constant, distracting. Painkillers took the edge off but she still felt half-broken and half-dead. If she stood up, the room would spin. The lightheadedness was back. That was normal, given how much blood she had lost. She decided not to shake her head.
Mattie stared at her. “What?” she asked.
He leaned forward, waved a hand in front of her face. “Earth to Brum. What are you thinking about?”
Good question. What was she thinking about? More importantly, what should she be thinking about? “I don’t know. Rainbow, I guess.” Now that she said it, she realized it was true. “I miss being able to rock her and sing to her, and carry her around. I miss being the solution to all of her problems. I miss being able to kiss her boo-boos better. I miss being magical and god-like in her eyes. I miss the toddler who sucked her thumb and pronounced words her own special way. I miss the sound of her little girl laugh, that giggle. The constant hugging and touching, walking hand-in-hand everywhere. Putting her socks and shoes on. Filling sippy cups with milk. I even miss washing sippy cups with the sour milk that turns to cheese at the bottom. I miss having a little drunk stumbling around, giggling, bursting into song, enjoying herself, slurring her words. I miss when she called herself‘Wainbow’and tractorsduhwaduwuh.”
Mattie stood, stretched, and sat next to her on the glider again. It groaned under his weight. He sat sideways facing her, hairy ankle on bulging knee, cheek on his fist. “You can have another.”
“Don’t want another. I want the years that I missed with her.” Her eyes burned. That was the problem, wanting something impossible.
Mattie nudged her.
She turned to look over her shoulder at the doorway to the kitchen. Rainbow sat at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal. The girl had headphones on.
“Oi. Did you hear that?” Ronnie asked.
The girl’s dark eyes flicked from her to Mattie and back to her phone.
Ronnie swallowed. Mattie grinned.
Had Rainbow missed her when she was a toddler? Did Rainbow miss her at night in her dreams? Was missing her mother a part of Rainbow the way it was a part of Ronnie? She hoped it wasn’t.
“Did your fallopian tube explode because you fell off the roof?” Rainbow asked.
Ronnie blinked, caught off guard. “No. I fell off the roof because my fallopian tube exploded.”
“Do we live here now?”
“Until I get my own place.”
“I liked the donga. And I like camping at the farm.”
“That’s temporary.”
Mattie stood up and tapped the empty spot on the glider meaningfully. Rainbow came over and tucked herself under Ronnie’s arm. The girl still fit against her side.
“Don’t get after me about being a deadbeat, alright? I love what I do. Being a dropout doesn’t make a person a loser. I have goals. I’m working towards getting us a place to live. Saving.Everything is coming together. I know it looks like I don’t have my shit together, but I do. I’ve been working toward the same goals since you were born. I’ve had a purpose since you were born. I’m not using you as an excuse to slack off. It’s the opposite. Does that make sense?”
Rainbow nodded.
Reg had come into the kitchen to get more ice for his tea. “You should have seen me when I was young. I was single and living out of a van on the Gold Coast. I didn’t have a savings account or a degree. I was a swaggie. I didn’t settle down until Mattie was born. Made an honest man of myself accidentally and here I am. I don’t regret those wandering years. They made me who I am. Gave me appreciation for all this. Brum’s light years ahead of where I was.”
“Thanks to you,” Ronnie said. “Also, you were raising two kids and had a full-time job by the time you were nineteen.”
“My point still stands. You may not realize this yet, Rainbow, but your mum is a special lady. She works longer and harder than other people her age. She doesn’t shirk or cut corners. She’s kind of a big deal, your mum.”
“Thanks, da,” Ronnie said. “Love you. You’re sweet.”
Reg draped a kitchen towel over his shoulder and shifted the joey that had just finished drinking a bottle of formula under his arm into both hands. It was wrapped in a Moana towel and looked at her with round eyes like black marbles. “Sweet, she says? Strewth! Did you hear that?” Reg ticked her with the baby wallaby’s towel, making her flinch away and Rainbow giggle.
