“Yes, it would be unbelievable if I wasn’t. But we know that us being taken was part of something bigger. That there were other things in play. Circumstances we couldn’t control. We aren’t to blame for what happened to us, Steff. The people who took us are. And from what Teresa has told me, the people behind it are dead.”
Steff wanted to believe that with her whole heart, but if that was the case, then Dalton wouldn’t need to go off and do what he did for the government. She was pretty sure they weren’t doing trips to hand out presents to people.
He was a former SEAL; they did bad shit.
“Maybe.”
“Do you still see a therapist?” Cynthia asked, and Steff wasn’t surprised by the question, answering it, though, was another thing.
“No, I stopped a while ago. But I think I need to go back.” That was a copout, and she knew it. “No, that’s not right. I know I need to go back.”
“It’s hard, reliving everything.” Cynthia’s voice was low, and Steff struggled to hear what she was saying. “I didn’t want to. I avoided answering my therapist’s questions until it got to the stage where she pushed me until it all burst out of me. Some could say it was cruel what she did, and at the time I hated her for making me be back in that moment. I didn’t see her for two months. After I calmed down, I realized it was the best thing for me.”
Had Cynthia experienced the horrors that Steff had?
In the back of her mind, she’d considered that her friend might have been treated the same way, but other times, Steff believed that it was only her who’d had to deal with what she’d gone through.
How selfish of her.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.” The words sounded hollow to her ears.
“Of course, you didn’t. Just like I don’t know what they did to you, but I can imagine it was just as bad or worse. Seriously though, Steff.” Cynthia paused, and Steff braced herself for some hard truths she was sure were about to come out of her friend’s mouth. “If you’re struggling badly, and I get the feeling you are, get help. I’m not saying it will go away, it won’t ever, but each day is easier because of the help I’m getting. Even if it’s from another friend instead of your therapist. Both would be ideal, but you know what will work for you.”
Steff didn’t have any other friends. Cynthia had been the closest thing she’d ever had to a best friend, and she’d put up walls when they both could’ve leaned on each other.
You have Jag.
Perhaps she did, but did she really want to burden him with all that she’d experienced? He’d seen the aftermath, and no doubt, had seen other women like her, so he must have a fair idea of what had happened to her.
Could she tell him?
She didn’t know.
One thing she did know though, after talking to Cynthia, she didn’t want to live the rest of her life like this. It had become comfortable and safe. But wrong. She’d also known that too.
She needed to fix it. Fix herself.
Resolve fired through her. In the last few days, she’d taken steps she never thought she would ever do. She’d had dinner with Jag. And she’d called Cynthia. Both intertwined in a wayshe hadn’t known. “I will get help. Thank you for taking my call and talking to me.”
“Aww, Steff, I’m always here for you. I hope we can meet up in person soon. I miss you.”
She still didn’t feel like she deserved the compassion Cynthia was giving her. Her friend could’ve kept the door shut that Steff had slammed in her face, but she didn’t. She was going to take those steps. “I’d like that. Maybe we can meet next Tuesday for lunch?” If she didn’t make concrete plans now, she never would.
“Sounds perfect. We can work out a place closer to the day.”
“Great. Bye Cynthia.”
“Bye Steff, and look after yourself.”
“You too.”
They disconnected, and Steff clutched the phone tight. The conversation had been confronting, but also healing. Like committing to lunch next week, Steff didn’t put her phone down. She pulled up her contacts, found her therapist’s number, and made the call that would be another step in her healing journey.
One she should’ve taken a long time ago.
Chapter Ten
Jag tried notto glance at his phone, but he couldn’t help himself. There still hadn’t been a response to the text he’d sent Steff three hours ago.
