He was about to suggest something that he had no idea how she would take it. He needed to tread carefully, because this was her space. Her sanctuary, and he was about to propose he invade it in a way that wasn’t coming over for dinner.
“Steff, I want to stay here tonight. I don’t think you should be alone,” he said gently.
“Okay.” She snuggled into him, and he was shocked at her acquiescence. Not to mention that she hadn’t fallen into the clutches of the panic attack like he fully expected her to do.
He leaned back so he could get a better look at her, noting that her cheeks had a little more color in them. Her hands were gripping his shirt, but her knuckles weren’t white, like they often turned during an attack. He’d also noted that her nails weren’t long and sharp like they had been. He didn’t know what had caused her to cut them, and he didn’t want to bring it up in case it upset her. She would tell him whenever she was ready. And if she didn’t, he had no issues with that either.
As if aware of his scrutiny, she met his gaze, and her eyes had lost their vacant look. There was still fear lurking in the blue depths, but that was to be expected.
Somehow, someway, she’d managed to control her descent into her attack, and he was damn proud of her for doing so.
“You did hear what I said didn’t you?” Perhaps she hadn’t quite been out of her tunnel when he’d spoken.
“I did and I said okay.”
There was nothing tentative about her response. “Right. Okay then.”
Her lips twitched into a whisper of a smile. “You seemed surprised. I didn’t think I had a choice.”
Again, there was no anger or censure in her response. If anything, she seemed more relaxed than she had been, before he’d put his foot in his mouth when he told her he wouldn’t lie to her while they were eating.
But he needed to make one thing clear though. “You always have a choice, Steff. Remember that. This is your house. Your life. You’re in charge of it all.”
Her smile twisted into a grimace. “I don’t think I’ve been in charge since the second I got taken. I’ve been going through the motions of living. After my lunch with Cynthia today, and then my session with Donelle, I know that I’ve merely been existing.”
Jag hated hearing the self-deprecation she was heaping on herself, but he also wasn’t going to dismiss it either. It was important that she acknowledged what she’d been doing, because it helped to heal her. “Accepting your decisions and the reasons for them are important. It validates what you’re going through. You may have been existing, but you’re going to start living now.”
“I want to, but it’s easier said than done.”
“The hardest journeys start with one step. You’ve taken that step. And there will be times when you misstep and go backwards. When that happens, you need to remember that you’re ahead of where you were when you started.”
“I know. That’s what Donelle said. Not those exact words, because they’re much better than what she said.”
“I doubt I’m better than a therapist, but I’ll take it.” He pressed his lips to her forehead, reveling in the little sigh of happiness that escaped her.
Jag looked at the coffee table, at the box that started it all, along with the bowls of ice cream that resembled chocolate soup and not chocolate ice cream. “I think we need a do over with dessert.”
“Yep we definitely do.” She paused, and he waited, knowing what she was going to say next. “What about the box?”
“We’ll take it to the office tomorrow and open it there.”
“We?” she queried.
“Yes, if you want to that is. I can take it in myself, but I thought you might want to be there when we open it. I also know that coming to the office could be difficult for you. I understand if you don’t want to.”
He didn’t want to open it at her place; it had already been tarnished a little with the knowledge that whoever dropped it off knew exactly where she lived. Whatever the contents were could add to that tarnish.
“No. I want to come with you. I need to. If I’m going to reclaim my life, I have to be a part of finding out what’s inside. No matter how bad it could be. Or how hard it is.”
Another rush of admiration swept through him. It wasn’t going to be easy for her, but he would be by her side every step of the way.
Steff was going to learn that she was no longer alone. Not only did she have Cynthia back in her life, she also had him and everyone he worked with.
She was part of the team now.
Chapter Thirteen
Nerves hadher stomach in knots the moment she woke, and she mentally willed herself not to clench her fists so her nails dug into her palm, like she had done on so many occasions in the past. She’d slept surprisingly well, considering all that had happened the day before, both the mysterious box and her session with Donelle.
