“Don’t.”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t make me feel sorry for you. Don’t make me into the bad guy here. You did this. You knew what you were doing. You did it anyway. Don’t ask me where you are supposed to go like I am the one who has put you in this position. You put yourself in this position.”
“Are you insane? Are you seriously kicking me out?”
“You have until the end of the month.”
“I love you. You’re my best friend.”
She closes her eyes for a beat. When she opens them, they’re wet. “I love you back. Life hasn’t been fair to you, and I know that. But this is about me. Benson is my brother, Lucy. He’s my brother. So, I have to do what I have to do to take care of me. That’s what makes this so hard. I have my boundaries, and I told you about them. I’m not going to have a friend who can’t respect that.”
Holy shit. I inhale, exhale. Holy fuck. She’s really doing this. I’ve chosen some guy to screw over my best friendanda place to live.
She wipes her eyes. “You have until the end of the month.” She steps back into her bedroom and closes the door. The lock clicks.
I can barely stand, so I use the wall to hold me up. My sobbing has turned silent. Tears are streaming down my face. My chest is empty. My head is empty. My heart is empty. I walk to my bedroom and lock the door behind me. I sit on the edge of my bed and stare at the ground.
I don’t know how long I sit in nothingness, but it doesn’t feel real. How could this be real? Gianna is my best friend, and she dropped me so quickly that I can’t stop falling. When it finally dawns on me, I realize that I can’t be here any longer. I pull out all the bags I own and start packing them with my essentials. The tears have dried up once I realized that Gianna has made up her mind. The more I replay the conversation in my head, the more I see how there is no coming back from this.
I pick up my phone and see Benson’s name. I don’t want to talk to him right now, so I put the phone away.
I sit in my car and wonder what the hell I’m doing. If there’s one person that could solve this, it would be Benson. I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. I have three bags in my backseat full of my belongings. I don’t have to go anywhere. I could stay. I don’t have to go to my mom. I could go to Benson. I close my eyes and ask myself what the hell am I doing. Am I being dramatic? My phone buzzes in the cup holder, so I grab it.
Benson:Hey.Benson:You okay?Benson:Text me when you can.
I put the phone in the cupholder face down and start my car.
I drive for forty minutes. I don’t know if I made the right decision. I don’t know. I don’t fucking know.
When I park my car, I get out, grab my bags, and walk to the porch. I knock on the front door, and I hear shuffling before Bear opens the door and looks up at me.
“Lucy?” He looks at the bags in my arms.
“Hi, Bear.”
“Why do you have so many bags?”
I inhale sharply.
“Are you — are you staying?”
I nod. “For a little while.”
He steps aside. I walk in.
Chapter 27
Benson
Stanleyisonthecouch eating cold pizza out of the box for what I am pretty sure is lunch even though it is dinner. Blue is at the kitchen island with a textbook and the kettle. Percy is gone. Rowan is at the gym. The kitchen smells like cold pizza.
I sit at the island across from Blue. “Lucy is talking to Gianna right now.”
“About what we talked about this morning?”
I nod, staring at the counter. “Yeah.” I rub my hands down my thighs “Should I go over there?”
