And I don’t know what to say to that.
We walk another twenty feet before he says, “I hate that it’s even a question.”
“That what’s a question?”
“The whole thing. Vancouver. The draft. All of it. I’m twenty-two, and I’m trying to figure out what the rest of my life looks like and at the same time —” He stops. He’s looking at the bare branches above the path. He looks back at me. “At the same time, you’re becoming the center of it. And I don’t know how to hold those two things in the same hand.”
I stop walking.
He stops too.
“Benson,” I Camdenthe.
He looks at me. He is pink at the tip of his nose from the cold, and he has a bruise the size of a plum on his cheekbone, and he’s the most serious I have ever seen him.
“You’re becoming the center of everything, Lucy,” he says.
I don’t say anything. All I feel is the thumping in my chest, and the terrifying thought in the back of my head that’s saying he’s leaving. But the scarier thought is that he’s going to throw it away forme.
I see his throat bob. “Can I — can I say what I came here to say?”
I nod, not trusting my voice right now.
He turns to face me. He takes both my hands. He looks at me with his back to the creek and the bare oak above us and the pale yellow grass behind him. My heart’s galloping now in my chest. What is he doing?
“I am — I have been wanting to tell you something for a while.”
He’s nervous, which is making me nervous.
He takes a Camdenth. “I’m crazy about you. I have been crazy about you since the tutoring session when you handed me the textbook and told me I was reading the formula wrong. I’ve been wanting you in my life since the night I caught you on the sidewalk. I’ve been telling the boys that I’m out of my depth here, and I wanted to ask you this last week, but I wanted to give you time to sort out your life without me barging in.” He holds my hands tightly. “I don’t want to keep doing this without a name on it.”
He lets go of my left hand and lowers himself onto one knee.
“Bens — what’re you doing?”
His face is soft as he looks up at me. “Getting on my knee for the girl who has my heart.”
That steals my Camdenth. I cannot Camdenthe. I reach down and grab his face with both hands. I am careful with the left side. The bruise is warm under my palm.
“Lucy Moss.” He looks deep into my eyes, and he’s so nervous that it gives me butterflies. “Will you be my girlfriend?”
A smile spreads across my face, warmth blooms in my chest, and my head feels a little fuzzy and heavy. But that doesn’t stop me from nodding. I plant my lips on his, kissing him deeply. His mouth is warm, and he tastes like mints. He stands up against the kiss. He grabs me under the arms and lifts me off the ground, and I make a small squeal against his mouth. My legs wrap around his waist. He spins me once on the October grass under the oak. The black lab at the south end of the park starts barking at us. He brushes his tongue against mine, I tangle mine with his. I suck his bottom lip. We kiss like this for a long time.
When he sets me down, he doesn’t let me go. His lips are still caressing mine. We’re kissing like we’re never going to see each other again, and it makes me giggle a little. Neither of us are holding back. He’s mine, and I’m his, and this is the best feeling in the world.
We keep trying to continue our walk, but every time we pull apart, he looks at me, and I look at him, and then we’re back to kissing again. His hands are on the sides of my face. My hands are on the front of his jacket. He’s pulling me against him, and I am pulling him against me. I wish we were at his house right now.
I’m laughing into his mouth, feeling the giddiness inside of me bursting through my nerves. My body is warm against his, and I want him so bad.
He pulls back and rests his forehead against mine.
“Baby?”
“Yes?” I whisper against his lips.
“I don’t want to freak you out.”
Not this again. I pull back to look at his eyes. “What is it?”
