Eliza’s brain raced at the words. The accurate words. She had been sending mixed signals, and hearing it laid out like that, she had no choice but to admit it.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’ve not been clear,” Eliza said.
“I know I’m right. I’m not looking for validation on that, Eliza. I’m looking for answers,” Rowyn replied as she took a few steps closer.
They were within arm’s reach of each other now, and the proximity made it harder for Eliza to find the right words. The ones she should say but had no desire to.
“I’m not sure I have the ones you want.”
Eliza spoke the words softly, regretfully, as her eyes drank in the beauty of the woman before her.
“I want the truth. That’s all I’m asking for. Do you regret it?”
Eliza’s brain short-circuited at the vulnerability reflecting back at her from Rowyn. She was laying herself bare, as she had already done, and Eliza couldn’t ignore it.
“The kiss?” Eliza asked.
It was less about clarifying and more about giving herself time to formulate a truthful but safe reply.
“All of it. The kiss, the first night, hiring me. Being here with me. I need to hear the truth because I don’t trust what I see.”
What did Rowyn see? Eliza would have given anything in that moment to truly know. Did she see the want? The desperation? Or the walls that Eliza worked for so many years to erect so that she could safely hide behind them? The time hadn’t given her any better words to say, and Eliza couldn’t leave Rowyn waiting any longer.
“No. I don’t regret anything that led to knowing you, Rowyn. How could I?”
Rowyn wanted truth, and Eliza gave it to her. Despite the complications, the messiness, the potential consequences, Eliza couldn’t regret anything that brought Rowyn into her life.
“Then act like it,” Rowyn said as she took another step forward.
“I can’t. I have responsibilities, Rowyn. I don’t regret it, but that doesn’t mean it can continue. I’ve ignored it not out of regret because of what happened but out of regret for what can’t happen again. I am your boss. That’s a power dynamic that won’t ever work, and my kids need you. I can’t put what I want over what they need.”
Rowyn quirked an eyebrow as she got close enough that her breath grazed Eliza’s skin as she spoke.
“Power dynamic, eh? From what I remember, we were rather good at navigating that.”
She smiled and Eliza felt it right between her legs.
“We were. But I can’t take control in the ways I definitely want to when I need to be in control in every other way too. I can’t tell you what to do and enjoy it, when it would feel like an abuse of power. How would I know if you were doing it because you wanted to or because you worried your job was in jeopardy ifyou stopped?”
Rowyn reached out a finger and stroked Eliza’s hand. The unfailing spark that occurred was immediate and intense.
“Listen, I’m not a lowly intern who needs your support and approval to climb the corporate ladder. I am highly sought after in my field, and the agency has a waiting list of clients a mile long who would jump to offer me a job. But you’re right. You do have to control so much in your life, at home and at work, every single day. You could use a break from it, couldn’t you?”
Eliza gulped at the low tone and nodded without even thinking about it.
“I know you don’t like to give up control, I can tell. I’m guessing you’ve fought hard enough to get it, that the idea of surrendering it is terrifying. But maybe I can help you with that. Maybe it won’t be so hard if you’re surrendering it to me.”
Eliza’s body almost burst at the sensations running through it at the thoughts inspired by those words. Rowyn slipped her hand into Eliza’s and waited patiently as Eliza processed the words. Her brain was screaming about all of the ways this could go terribly wrong, and her body was screaming for her brain to shut the hell up and let it feel what it was so desperate to feel.
“What about what you want? You seemed to enjoy letting me be in control.”
Rowyn smiled, clearly understanding that Eliza hadn’t said no.
“I enjoy giving you what you need, Elle. Being controlled, being in control, a little of each, all of one, it doesn’t matter to me. My pleasure very much stems from my partner’s, and I can promise you I’ll enjoy telling you what to do just as much, if not more. Plus, it would make things clearer. You get to give me orders when I am at work, and I get to call the shots when I’m not. I understand there’s more to it than that to figure out, but we could try.”
Eliza had never been so turned on from a conversation before. Her whole body was on fire, and Rowyn hadn’t touched anything but her hand yet. Bright red warning signs should be popping up all around them, but Rowyn’s idea was a lifeline she found difficult to disregard without at least more consideration.
“I don’t know. I’m not saying no, because I’m not sure my body would ever forgive me if I did. But that’s also why I’m not immediately saying yes. My brain is a haze of lust right now, and I don’t want to agree to something only to take it back when the hormones cool off. We need to talk more, and I need to think more, because this will probably feel absurd in the light of day.”
