Just checked and it doesn’t look like there is an early enough flight. But there’s one tonight that you could make if you’re out of the office by seven.
Amelia wants to know if she can video call you. I told her you might miss tomorrow, and she wants to talk to you. She’sconvinced if she does you will make it, so be prepared.
Kids are in bed now. I’m going to bed. Goodnight.
If she had checked the messages first, she would have been somewhat prepared for the conversation, but not for Rowyn’s hostility. It was a school sports day, not something Amelia generally participated in much anyway. Eliza understood how difficult it could be with the kids when plans changed, and Rowyn would’ve had to deal with Amelia’s mood because of it, but that was part of her job. It had been clear before she took this role that there would be last minute work travel involved, and Rowyn had agreed. Surely, Rowyn knew her well enough by now to know that Eliza wouldn’t have extended the trip unless it was important.
Her plans for a good sleep before the big meeting in the morning were quickly dissolving as her brain raced despite her exhaustion. She flitted from guilt, to annoyance, to anger, to hurt. Nobody batted an eyelid when Henry had to travel for work, far more often than Eliza ever did. Nobody questioned how much he cared about his kids, or if he put them first. He got accolades for being an active father, while she continually had to excuse doing the same, if not more.
Tears stung at her eyes as she stewed in the unfairness of it all. At the idea that the one person who had made her feel more understood than anyone else ever had, in such a short period of time, could feel she wasn’t doing enough, either. Rowyn’s opinion mattered more to her than she cared to admit, and the idea that Rowyn was judging her parenting and coming away disappointed hurt deeply.
If this were any other nanny, Eliza would have shaken it off as more internalized misogyny and told them to keep their opinions to themselves. But that was the problem—Rowyn wasn’t any other nanny. She wasn’t any other person. She was more than Eliza could define with simplicity and therein lay theissue. It did matter what Rowyn thought of her. It did matter that she was upset. And it mattered that Eliza wouldn’t be able to separate that from her workday and would ultimately now struggle there too. It was too messy, too complicated, and there was no way it could continue.
And her heart knew there was already no painless way back.
Chapter Twenty
Rowyn smiled widely from the sidelines as Amelia warmed up near the start line.
“I think I’m more nervous than she is. I can’t believe she’s doing it,” Henry said from beside Rowyn.
“She’s ready. She’s really put her all into it,” Rowyn said.
Henry had been shocked when the race was called and Amelia went to get ready.
“Eliza is going to be gutted that she missed it. I’m surprised she didn’t tell me about it. I assume Amelia asked her not to,” Henry said.
“Eliza doesn’t know. Amelia didn’t tell anyone but me and swore me to secrecy. She said she would feel too pressured if people knew. This way, if she was too anxious, she didn’t have to do it, and nobody would be disappointed. I explained to her that nobody was disappointed in her anyway, but she had a plan and it worked for her. I thought Eliza not being here would throw it off completely, but after some tears, she shook it off and said she wanted to do it anyway.”
“Wait, you didn’t tell Eliza? She might’ve been able to make it work if she understood how important it was to Amelia.”
Rowyn’s defences rose at the questioning in Henry’s voice.
“I messaged her several times about how badly Amelia wanted her here and even tried to video call her from my laptop so Amelia could tell her why. Her phone was dead, and by the time she called me last night she was in bed, and it was too late to change anything. Telling her then would’ve done nothing butmake her feel worse, and despite my own feelings about it, I wasn’t going to do that,” Rowyn said.
She had spent the night moving between sadness for Amelia, frustration at Eliza, and anger at herself for letting her own issues rear their heads. Flashbacks of the many times her parents put work before her, or worse, her siblings, had sat in her mind from the moment she got the kids to bed until Eliza finally called. Logically, Rowyn understood that Eliza was nothing like her parents. She would never have cancelled on Amelia unless it was important. But Rowyn still couldn’t fully quiet those voices that pointed out importance was relative.
“Wait, Eliza called you while she was in bed?” Henry asked, his voice coated in confusion.
Rowyn’s face flamed before she could get a handle on it, and it was the worst possible reaction. She glanced at Henry as his eyes widened and her heart began to pound.
“I had sent a lot of messages, and she rang as soon as her phone came on to check on the kids. I was probably a bit harsher than I should’ve been about her not making it here. She sounded like she had had a rough day, so she probably went straight to bed when she got in.”
They both knew that was a lie. Henry had lived with Eliza longer than Rowyn, and the chances of Eliza missing her routine even while exhausted were slim to none. She had ample time to send a quick message or voice note to her nanny to clarify when she would return or acknowledge her messages. Rowyn might not have been around while any other nannies were involved, but she was certain Eliza would never have waited until she was comfortable in bed to personally call them to explain herself. Or that Eliza would’ve felt a need to explain herself at all for that matter.
“Uh-huh,” Henry said as he suppressed something akin to a grin.
Fuck. This is bad.
Rowyn had never been so grateful for the announcement that the race was beginning, if only to give her face time to return to its natural shade. She held up her digital camera and switched to video, positioning it toward where Amelia stood at the starting line. She had confusing feelings about Eliza missing this, but despite Amelia’s current anger, she was sure she would want to share this moment with Eliza later.
“Go Amelia, yesss!”
Rowyn jumped up and down in excitement while trying to keep the camera steady as Elliot and Henry yelled out beside her. Amelia crossed the finish line in first place and then ran straight to them as they beamed with pride. Rowyn kept the video rolling, wanting to capture Amelia’s excitement and joy, the parts Eliza would cherish more than the win itself.
Tears of pride welled in her eyes and she laughed at herself. There was nothing more heartwarming than seeing a child succeed after putting so much effort into something they wanted for themselves. To her, the success was simply leaving that starting line to begin with. Finishing in first place was a big bonus.
“You did it, kiddo! I’m so proud of you,” Henry said, as he swooped Amelia up into a hug.
