“Okay, well, if you change your mind, the offer is there. The kids are excited for the movie. They’d love for you to come, but you’ll probably get to experience it second-hand anyway when they regale you with every part.”
The kids would love you to come.
What aboutyou? Rowyn wanted to scream the words so badly. To ask Eliza what she would love. Hell, she wanted to throw caution to the wind and ask her who the hell she loved. If it was Rowyn, then act like it. Say it. Prove it. Because it damn sure didn’t feel like it right now.
But once again, Rowyn kept her mouth shut, responding with only a quiet hum of acknowledgement as she moved the red pencil along the page, completing the last fish in her rainbow ocean.
“Okay, well, I’m going to get a bit more done before I go to sleep,” Eliza said.
She sounded almost disappointed, and Rowyn wondered if she was making the right decision by not saying the things in her head. Direct communication was always her go to, but right now, Rowyn didn’t feel safe. Emotionally, she was vulnerable and raw and unlikely to make sound decisions if the conversation veered toward decisions being made.
She had undergone enough therapy to know that she needed more time to process what she truly wanted, and needed, before allowing someone else to influence those thoughts with their own wants and needs. She was used to taking care of people, putting others above herself, giving her all. Right now, the only person who deserved Rowyn’s all, outside of her role of caringfor the kids, was herself. She needed to make sure her head was as involved as her heart in any decisions to change that.
It took her a moment to notice that Eliza had yet to leave. She was hovering behind the chair she had vacated. Her hands were fidgeting, as if Eliza was trying to get them under control. As if maybe they were trying to reach out of their own accord, and Eliza had to work to keep them to herself. Rowyn’s intuition said it was more than wishful thinking, and her own hands became restless in response. She willed Eliza to walk away so her resolve didn’t crumble, while at the same time hoping she would walk right over to her instead.
“You deserve to be someone’s priority, Rowyn. Don’t accept less than that.”
Rowyn gritted her teeth. That sounded awfully like Eliza’s decision was made, and it irked her that she was making out like it was for Rowyn’s sake. She looked up again, making sure Eliza could see everything she was no longer hiding on her face.
“Anything I accept, I do so with my eyes wide open, and because it is what I want. You focus on what you’re accepting for yourself, and your life, and let me worry about what I deserve. Because I know exactly what that is, Eliza. Can you say the same?”
Eliza stared back at her, with her eyes taking in every inch of Rowyn’s face as if trying to memorise the words written in her features. She said nothing but merely nodded and turned to walk back inside. Rowyn looked down, not wanting to watch Eliza walk away as if the mere action was a sign of what was to come. The patio door slid open, and then right before it slid closed, Eliza’s soft whisper carried through the night that was quickly falling around her.
“Sweet dreams, Wyn.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Eliza pulled her car into the driveway after dropping the kids at Henry’s. She turned the key in the ignition and sat for a moment, nervous about the evening ahead. She had seen Rowyn this morning, and the day before, but they hadn’t spoken beyond the necessary since the night Eliza had apologized. Eliza had taken the time since then to do what she needed to do to make tonight’s conversation as productive and clear as it could be. She was sure of the steps that needed to come next, but her certainty didn’t lessen the anxiety surrounding it.
She finally pulled herself from the car and walked through the door, only for her stomach to drop at the sight before her. Rowyn’s bags, the ones that had terrified Eliza when she had seen them on her doorstep that first day, sat beside the door. Her stomach filled with ice at the sight of them clearly packed and ready.
“Rowyn? What the hell?”
Eliza located Rowyn in the living room where she sat on the couch, watching television, as if there was nothing of note happening. Rowyn picked up the remote and switched off the screen as Eliza worked to calm her racing heart. This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. Suddenly it was like all her plans were flying out the window, and she was half tempted to follow them.
“Why are your bags packed? Where are you going? We have a contract, you can’t leave.”
The last sentence came out with desperation accompanyingit and Eliza winced. It was a foolish statement to make. The contract held no weight anymore, and Eliza would never force Rowyn to do anything she didn’t want to regardless.
“I didn’t mean that last part. Of course you can leave if that’s what you want. It’s just…”
Eliza trailed off, not knowing the right words to say.
It’s not what I want. I can’t imagine life without you. Please don’t leave me.
All of those were too selfish. It wasn’t about what Eliza wanted, it couldn’t be.
“It’s just…what? Tell me, Eliza. What did you mean?” Rowyn spoke the words calmly, as if she had all the time in the world to wait for Eliza’s answers.
Eliza stayed standing, as Rowyn sat feet away, the picture of patience.
“What will I say to the kids if you’re gone when they get back?”
It was the wrong thing to say. It was a cowardly response, and Eliza kicked herself for it.
“Stop using the kids as a wall to hide behind. We both know this isn’t about them. I need to hear the truth, Eliza, and I’m not going to beg for it. What did you mean?”
This was it. Eliza’s plans, the steps she had so carefully considered, this was the first.
