“Rory.”
I nodded. Eve’s mouth tightened. “That could be a truly terrible idea,” she warned.
“It might be,” I agreed. “I haven’t decided yet what I’ll do.” I thought of my mom and of Rory. She’d always adored him and had been hoping we’d end up together since the day the Shaws moved in across the street. She’d been elated when we finally got together and she had died before our love story imploded. I had a feeling she would be devastated if she knew how things had turned out.
A moment later the opening bounce of drum and keyboard chords jolted me from my thoughts. Eve was watching me carefully with a mischievous smile playing around the corners of her mouth as Annie Lennox’s whiskey-hoarse voice belted out the first unmistakable chords of “Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This).” I rolled my eyes at her, and shelaughed, then slung her arm around my shoulders and squeezed me tight. “Miracle lemon drops or not, I hope you find what you’re looking for, Lolly,” she said simply. “Now come on. This bottle of botanical gin isn’t going to drink itself.”
For a moment I leaned my head against her shoulder, right against the place where a lotus flower tattoo bloomed in vivid fuchsia against her pale skin. Lotus—a symbol of enlightenment, regeneration, rebirth.
Together we walked toward her cottage, gravel crunching under our feet and the light beginning to fade into the soft blue of early evening. For a moment I felt happier and more content than I had in a long while. I had no idea what lay ahead, but I knew that whatever it was, I was not alone. I had a best friend who loved and supported me. I still had almost a month to reach at least one of my goals. I had two lemon drops in my pocket to use as I chose. And for the first time in a long time, I was starting to believe that something good was waiting up ahead for me after all.
16
FIFTEEN YEARS AGO
JUNE
“Come on, come on, Rory.Where are you?” I whispered, my hands shaking with nerves as I hurriedly zipped myself into my decidedly not-parent-approved party dress. It was the night of Rory’s high school graduation, and I was sneaking out to attend a party. Rory was giving me a ride. The party was being held on the other side of Magnolia at Jake Hollins’s massive beachfront house on Puget Sound. Florence had a dead battery and wouldn’t start, so Rory was bailing me out. I’d told my parents I was going to Ashley’s house to sleep over, but that was a lie. Ashley had left with her family for vacation that morning.
It was so cliché I felt embarrassed even before the night began. But I had to go. It would be my last chance to see Rory. He’d just worked his last day bussing tables at the Eatery the week before. He was going to spend the summer staffing a camp for aspiring soccer stars in California. Then in the fall he would start college at Michigan State University, majoring in kinesiology, the first step on his path to becoming a doctor for a professional sports team. And I would stay in Magnolia and finish my senior year of high school. I was still hopelessly in love with him, and he had no idea.
I texted Rory.
Ready?
He texted back.
B there in 2.
I kept an eye out the window as I slipped a sweatshirt and jeans over my party dress. I couldn’t walk through the house in my party clothes. My parents didn’t know I owned the dress, and there was no way they’d let me out of the house if they saw it. All this sneakiness was uncharacteristic of me. I was a good girl who didn’t get into trouble, but tonight might be my last shot to get Rory’s attention and make him see the truth.
I blew out an impatient sigh and wondered what was keeping Rory. I was surprised when he offered me a ride. I figured he’d be going with Jessica. For the past six months Rory had been dating Jessica Sharma. She started dropping by the diner almost daily just after Thanksgiving, ordering a malted milkshake she never drank and flirting with Rory, asking for help with calculus even though she was already getting an A in the class. She was whip smart, and not just about academics.
“Rory, can you help me with this?” she’d ask, twirling a long caramel strand of hair between her fingers. “I understand everything better when you explain it.”
I’d always sort of admired Jessica, although I never really knew her. We ran in different circles. I had a handful of close friends, was on the yearbook staff, and worked most evenings at the diner. Jessica was captain of the cheerleading squad and in the honor society. She was beautiful as well as smart—slender and coltish, brimming with confidence and enough canniness to know how to hold a man’s attention,something I’d had no practice at yet. We hadn’t been in each other’s orbits until she set her sights on Rory. But my opinion of her changed quickly. I watched her watching him, and I worried. She wasn’t a bad person, but she had a calculatedness to her I didn’t entirely trust. I suspected she saw Rory as some sort of status symbol. I wasn’t sure if she would have even glanced his way if he wasn’t the captain of the soccer team. Now I found myself resenting her, equal parts protective of Rory and jealous of the attention he gave her. Seeing her with him made me feel like I was being eaten from the inside out by envy and longing.
I kept waiting for Rory to see the truth, but he seemed oblivious to both Jessica’s ulterior motives and my raging crush on him. He treated me like he’d always treated me—with a warm fondness, like his sister or cousin. And he seemed amused by Jessica, flattered, drawn in by her flirting and attention.
I tried to play it cool, fervently hoping he wouldn’t fall for Jessica, desperate for him to wake up and realize how perfect he and I were together. And yet he continued to be entranced by her charms. I felt stuck. How could I hope to compete with Jessica Sharma? I couldn’t confess my feelings to him. If he didn’t feel the same, I’d never be able to face him again. It would destroy our friendship. And I couldn’t risk that. So I said nothing, but my heart physically hurt every time I saw them together.
In retrospect I should have been bolder. I should have told him how I felt, but I was insecure and frightened to lose him, this boy I loved down to the tips of my toes. I had no experience with boys and no idea if he felt more for me than friendship. So I watched miserably as Jessica gradually drew him in until they were officially a couple. It was agony.
Out my bedroom window I saw Rory come out the Shaws’ front door and head toward his battered old Subaru. He was wearing hissoccer jersey, presumably to match the other members of his team who would be at the party. The soccer guys liked to dress in uniform for parties sometimes for team solidarity. Somehow Rory made that combo of red jersey, athletic shorts, and knee socks look like dynamite. I felt my mouth go dry. Time to go. I ran downstairs and out the door, calling out a fleeting goodbye as I went.
“Hey,” I said breathlessly, sliding into the front seat of Rory’s car. “Quick, drive so my parents don’t see you.”
Rory gave me a bemused look but obligingly pulled away from the house. “They don’t know you’re going to this party?”
“No, they think I’m going to Ashley’s house for a sleepover.” I gave him a sideways look. “Don’t look so disapproving. It’s just a party.”
“Okay, I’m just surprised,” Rory shook his head, driving slowly down our street. “Lolly Blanchard being sneaky right before my eyes. I never thought I’d see the day.”
I rolled my eyes at him and pulled the sweatshirt over my head, adjusting the deep sweetheart neckline of my dress. I’d secretly and specifically purchased the gorgeous cherry-red vintage cocktail dress for this party. I had found a pair of black cat-eye glasses at a retro clothing store near Pike Place Market to go with the dress, and the combination made me feel confident and sophisticated.
“Don’t look for a minute,” I instructed, shimmying out of my jeans and smoothing the hemline down. The dress nipped in at the waist and flared out in a high hemline that showed off my legs. “Okay, I’m good.”
Rory gave me a sideways glance and did a double take. “Wow.” He pulled up to a stop sign and turned, taking me in head to toe. “You look... wow.” He shook his head, seemingly at a loss for words. I felt a flush of triumph. I’d never seen him look at me like that, admiration mixed with astonishment. He seemed genuinely stunned.
