“Jakob, that’s amazing news!” I beam up at him.
“Yeah, it is,” he tells me with an air of nonchalance, but I know him well enough to see that he is very pleased. Mom and Walt have moved to the office. I can hear them in there gossiping about puzzle club. Gus runs up and begs for a snack.
“I gotta eat a lot to keep up my strength for all the hard workaround here,” he tells me, eyes big and beseeching behind his blue glasses. I pull a Ziploc out of my purse and dole out two sugar cookies.
“Sprinkles!” Gus shouts enthusiastically when he sees the gold sprinkles dotting the tops of the cookies. I’ve been using the sprinkles liberally in his afternoon treats. I don’t know if it’s the magical sprinkles or him growing older or Jakob’s influence or all three, but Gus seems so much happier and more confident.
“Thanks, Mom!” He darts away, stuffing the cookies into his mouth.
“So are you saying yes to Walt?” I ask Jakob, offering him a cookie from the bag. He takes it.
“I said I’d do it on one condition.” Jakob meets my eyes, a faint glint of amusement in his.
“What’s the condition?”
“I can hire Gus to be my helper every now and then.”
We both turn and look at Gus, who is huffing and puffing as he manfully staggers across the store carrying Walt’s entire toolbox. My heart squeezes hard with love for my kid.
Just then, Gus drops a number of items out of the toolbox on his journey across the shop. We both wince at the sound of tools hitting the new wood floors.
“Adds character,” Jakob says philosophically.
I watch Gus struggling to get the tools back into the toolbox. He doesn’t give up though. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Gus so filled with purpose and determination.
“When Dad died, I think Gus didn’t know how to process it,” I tell Jakob. “They were best buddies, and then one day my dad was just…gone. We talked about how Granddad was in heaven, but that’s a hard concept for a kid to understand. Gus just knew his favorite guy in the world was beyond his reach. Soon afterthat, he got obsessed with space. I think it was as close to heaven as he could get. I’ve been worried about him, but when you started letting him help you, it was the first time since Dad died that Gus was more interested in what’s here on earth than what’s up there among the stars. Thank you for that.”
Jakob looks at me, his gaze steady. “You’re welcome,” he says. “He’s a great kid. Whether he’s an astronaut or a contractor or decides to carry on the family business and make fudge, he’ll be just fine.”
“I hope you’re right,” I murmur, watching my son, whom I love so desperately. So often I feel inadequate for the task of parenting. “It’s hard to know if I’m doing enough, if I’m doing it right, or if I’m just screwing up,” I sigh.
Jakob touches my elbow. “Probably all three,” he says matter-of-factly. “But isn’t that true of most things in life? We’re not born life-skilled. We don’t know how to do the important stuff. We learn by trial and error, we mess up, and finally, hopefully, we get it right.”
I sense something more to his words and hazard a glance. He’s watching Gus, but his hand is still on my elbow. Never have I been so aware of a few square inches of skin, his against mine.
“Emmie, I’d like to give us another try,” he tells me, and my heart somersaults in my chest with joy. “I think we should take it slow and see where this goes. Are you still open to that?” He glances almost shyly at me.
I clear my throat. “Absolutely.” I’m trying to be relaxed and nonchalant when really I want to just climb him like a tree and nestle down against his chest and have him hold me safe forever. “So how do we do this?” I ask.
Jakob surveys me closely. “Like this,” he says. “Emmie, would you go on a real date with me?”
“Depends,” I tell him cheekily. “Will there be Danishes?” Then I look up and meet his eyes. “I’d love that,” I reply, beaming. He nods and scuffs the toe of his work boot against the floor, grinning. “Okay then, it’s a date.” And then he casually loops his arm over my shoulders and pulls me to him. I go willingly, nestling against his side. I fit perfectly.
“It’s a date.” I turn back to watch Gus, feeling my heart swell with anticipation and relief.
I look around the shop, touched to realize how far everything has come. How farwehave come. My gaze lands on Gus, who is holding up the orange-handled screwdriver in triumph. He hasn’t had a tummy ache in a while, and he’s been waking me up by dragging the miniature tool kit he got from my dad into bed in the mornings. Instead of waking to him reading me alarming facts about space, I’m opening my eyes to his earnest little face bent over a piece of wood, hammering or screwing something in, his tongue sticking out the side of his mouth in concentration. He’s being brave and bold, and my heart swells with love for my little man.
I glance at Mom, who is nodding as Walt explains something about light fixtures and electrical currents to her. Her cheeks are as pink as her lipstick. I know the road ahead for her will be a tough one as her health continues to slowly decline, but looking at her and Walt, I think that her golden years are already holding some unexpected sweetness.
Then I glance at Jakob, who is standing tall and sure, steady and calm beside me. Now that I’ve finally stopped fighting it and let myself acknowledge my feelings for him, I can’t deny that I am absolutely head over heels for this man. I think of Henry, who will soon be heading out to shoot a new season ofSavorinstead of getting down on one knee to propose to me. It wasn’t how Ithought my life would go, and it certainly doesn’t match the vision I saw for my future, but it feels so right that it has turned out this way. I know I’m doing the right thing.
I picture the comfortable yellow dress hanging in my closet, waiting for the right occasion, waiting for me to decide when to wear it. I don’t have a crystal ball to predict the future. I don’t know exactly how all of this is going to play out. But I know I’m on the right track, and that I’m at the helm of my own life at last. Confident in this, I am excited for the unknowns and filled with hope for all the good things that lie ahead.
My eyes wander over the shop and I feel a burst of joy and satisfaction. This space, which holds so many years of memories for my family, is safely ours and awaiting its next chapter. I just ordered a whimsical tree on Etsy. Everything is coming together. I just need a name and I’ll be all set. None of the names I’ve thought of, or names Mom and Dot or Dani have suggested, have been right. I’m waiting for inspiration to strike. When it does, I’m sure it will feel just right.
I think of the mysterious glass jar of gold sprinkles that arrived when I needed it most, of the note that simply saidFor courage. How far I have come since the day it arrived. How brave I’ve learned to be. And just like that, in a flash of inspiration, I know what to name this place.
Chapter 41
