Rawlins’s insides twisted with guilt. If his intervention hadn’t made things better, what had it all been for? “I’m sure it just takes time to readjust. For everyone.”
Lennox shook her head. “I don’t know…When he’s home, he barely comes out of his room. Like a teenager, he won’t let me in there. Won’t come sit with us for meals, just takes his plate off the table and goes upstairs. Ben and I sit there and I try not to cry. And then Max will come down and leave sometimes for ten, twelve hours at a time, without telling me where he’s going. And if I ask, he absolutelyexplodes.He was always an angry kid, but there’s something else there now…hatred.”
“He’s traumatized,” Rawlins said. “I tried to talk to him, but—”
“Did youtell him?” Lennox interrupted, and when Rawlins hesitated, she turned away, seething. “Howcouldyou? Without talking to me first?”
“He deserves to know the truth,” Rawlins said, attempting to keep his tone even. “He deserved to know a long time ago.” Rawlins expected a sharp retort, but Lennox’s eyes glistened, her unflappable stoicism failing her. She looked weakened, like she had borne a heavy burden for years and was finally starting to buckle under its weight.
Rawlins was struck with an impulse to console her, but before he could find the words, her vulnerability vanished, replaced with cold fury. “You always thought you knew best,” she spat at him. “You thought I was a bad mother. But I wasn’t. There’s just…adarknessin him. And now…” She shook her head and stood up, heading for the door but pausing at the threshold. “I don’t know how you thought this would go. But I promise you, it’s going to end badly.”
Then she was gone, and a knot of dread settled into the pit of Rawlins’s stomach.
That evening, when he returnedto his home, Rawlins considered telling Ellsbeth about his conversation with Lennox, but ultimately he decided to keep it to himself. There was nothing todofor now. Best to give the matter some time, let Max calm down, and try to enjoy the present.
The moments Rawlins shared with Ellsbeth felt both mundane and precious. The domesticity of their routine did nothing to dampen their erotic enthusiasm. Rawlins knew that the excitement he felt every time he caught a glimpse of her exposed skin could not survive indefinitely, but so far his lust had not abated—primarily because their imaginations kept yielding novel possibilities. Their sex life was playful; he was able to confess to her fantasies that might have seemed too embarrassing to admit to himself. And dabbling with writ magic opened up new horizons entirely; he bound her body in a delicious variety of ways, in every room of the house (and once, both painfully and pleasurably, on the stairs).
One night, she brought up the possibility of taking their experimentation to the next level. “Do you ever think obscuration could be…I dunno, kinda sexy?”
He looked at her, a mixture of curiosity and nervousness twisting his stomach. “How do you mean?”
“It’s such an incredible power,” she said. “The thought of somebody using it…especiallyon me…it’s hot. And for me, the idea of submitting tothatlevel of control, over mymind…” She trailed off, clearly turned on by the prospect.
Rawlins had to admit, he was intrigued by the possibility; the taboo around the practice had softened slightly in his mind, no doubt both from secretly trying it out on his own, as well as from trying so many things already with Ellsbeth. But he couldn’t tell how serious she was about actuallydoingit. “It’s definitely…an interesting fantasy,” he said, noncommittal.
“Oh come on,” she said teasingly, sliding closer. “Are you telling me that you don’t like the thought of havingsomecontrol over my mind?”
He cocked his head, playing the possibilities through in his mind. “Not if you were…unconsciousin any way.”
“No—I wouldn’t want that, either,” she said. “I’d want to feel it all. And remember the whole thing. But there are lots of possibilities. I read an account in one of the books…maybe the Sayoto? About a ritual for implanting trigger words in the subject’s mind. I bet that would be possible.”
Rawlins nodded absently. “I recall something like that. Never substantiated, though, was it?”
“The reports are all anecdotal,” she said. “Some of them seem a little ridiculous. But others track, at least in terms of what I’d expect to be logical and effective.”
He squinted at her. “Are you seriously considering…?”
“I don’t see why not,” Ellsbeth said with a shrug, clearly trying to seem casual about it. “It’s not like it’s that muchmoreillegal than writ magic. In for a penny.”
“But it is more dangerous,” Rawlins replied. “Meddling with someone’s mind, using untested mechanicals…I like your brain too much to take any chances with it.”
“I’d trust you,” she said. “And even more—I would trustus.If we designed the ritual together, I’m sure we’d see any potential pitfalls and avoid them.”
“We do work well together,” Rawlins agreed. “You’re sure about this?”
“I am,” Ellsbeth said. “It’s exciting. And withyouinvolved, I’m confident it will be safe.”
Rawlins could not deny the primal thrill it gave him to be trusted by her, and he felt his defenses softening. Hehadgotten obscuration to work on his own, after all, with no apparent side effects, using the ritual Ellsbeth had designed.
“So…trigger words?” He cocked an eyebrow.
Ellsbeth beamed, seizing on his apparent agreement. “Yes, exactly,” she said. “The Sayoto ritual proposes that you can induce a stimulus response. An action, or a physical reaction, elicited by hearing the trigger. Which could be a spoken word or phrase, or even a specific sound.”
“Very Pavlovian,” Rawlins said. “But is that reallyobscuration? Aren’t you describing more of a…physical body effect? A reflex?”
“Classical conditioning happens in the brain,” Ellsbeth said. “Definitely obscuration. I mean it’s not as deep as some other effects thatmight be possible, but I don’t want to bebrainwashed.I just want to give you a little conduit directly into my head.” She took his hand and put his finger against her temple.
He weighed this, trying not to let on how much the possibility excited him. “Could be fun…but I haven’t had much difficulty getting you to do whatever I told you to, without any need for magic. Turns out, some people like being told what to do.”
