He kisses my forehead. “I don’t think words can fully explain what that was; it was too perfect for boring words.” I have to swallow down the lump that forms in my throat.
I want to tell him that I don’t need words, that I only need him, that I love him, but I don’t say anything, because a part of me is still scared that this is too good to be true.
Nate doesn’t push for an answer; he never does. Instead, he kisses me quickly as he says. “Let’s take a shower.”
We get out of bed, and Nate leads me to the bathroom, where he turns the shower back on and helps me step in. He guides me under the spray as he stands facing me. His hands move to my hair, massaging it as the water runs through it.
He grabs the shampoo bottle from the shelving on the wall and squeezes some into my hair. He resumes massaging my locks, working the suds through the strands before guiding my head backwards to wash it out. He repeats the motion with conditioner, letting it sit in my hair as he gently turns me around. He lathers a sponge with soap and begins washing my body, placing soft kisses across my skin every now and then.
This time, I don’t choke back the tears; I let them fall freely because, as Nate says, it’s okay to cry, it’s okay to let them fall and let out the sadness inside of me. Only this time it isn’t sadness, it’s love. This is what it feels like to be loved, to have someone look after you because they want to, to have someone to tell you that it's okay to break apart because they’ve got you.
A love that I need.
A love that I want to return.
When Nate finishes washing my body and rinsing the conditioner from my hair, I do the same for him. Neither of us is uttering a word because words aren’t needed right now. I know what he needs.
When we finish in the shower, Nate turns it off and climbs out, grabbing two fluffy white robes. He wraps me up in one and puts the other on himself. There’s no rushing about; it’s still morning, but suddenly I’m so tired. We climb into the bed. Nate pulls me closer to him, my back to his front. He wraps his arm around me and holds me tight as I drift off into a peaceful sleep.
**********
It’s been three whole days since I arrived back at Nate and Archie's, and in that time, I’ve spent my time either curled up on the sofa next to Archie, watching old movies, or in bed with Nate.
It’s been bliss.
But I can’t hide away forever.
I haven’t been fully at work since everything went to shit with Pete. I decided to drop my hours and finally take some leave because I couldn’t stand being there, but I’m not sure what I want to do anymore.
None of it feels worth it anymore, going into an office from nine to five, giving them everything I have and at the end of the day feeling tired and worthless. Then there’s my mother. I don’t regret walking out when I did; I don’t think I’d have survived another day of endless insults, but I do regret leaving Thea behind.
I also regret not trusting my friends enough to confide in them. I hid away and smiled through all the pain because that was better than having to say the words I hated out loud. Things are different now. I know I have them, and they’re there for me. I have to push myself to talk, to get it all out and ask for help.
Before I could change my mind, I opened our girls' group chat, and although I already sent a quick message to Emmy telling her I was back, I didn’t exactly go into detail.
Me
Okay, so, I kind of left my mother's house because she was rude to Nate when he came for a visit, and I realised it made me feel shit listening to someone be so horrible to him and what that might mean…soooooo for the past three days I’ve been holed up at his house, I know I should have told you all that I was properly back. I’m sorry I didn’t, I just…didn’t know how to say.
The little ticks turn blue within seconds, meaning they’ve all read the message, and then the bubbles show someone is typing.I bite the edge of my nail as nerves swirl around in my stomach, but then a message appears.
Emmy
You don’t need to explain anything to us, and I don’t need the details because he’s my brother now, but plllleeeeaaassseee tell me you two have finally done the deed *praying gif*
Lacey
I’m officially heavily pregnant now and can no longer see my feet, so I am going to need all the details. I’ll just pretend you’re talking about someone else instead of Nate
Daisy
Lacey, don’t pretend you’re not getting some. I’ve seen that glow.
Daisy
Also, Hayleigh, it’s okay. We’re here, we always will be *heart emoji*
Me
