I look into those beautiful doe eyes, and I can’t do anything else but nod and stand up. I know I made the right decision, no matter how much it hurts me that I’ll never experience this for myself as a dad, because the smile on her face is everything.
We enter the room, and the sonographer instructs Lacey on where to lie down and what she needs to do. I stand awkwardly in the corner, not knowing where I should be, before the lady turns to me.
“Take a seat next to her, I don’t bite.” Her laugh is both throaty and hearty, and it brings a smile to my face. “I’m Lu.”
I settle down into the seat, and Lacey’s hand finds mine. We link fingers, and I give her hand a gentle squeeze. Her pulse is racing a hundred miles a minute, and mine isn’t far behind, but that all dissolves away when a sudden whooshing sound fills the room.
Lu’s smile is wide. “Wow, it doesn’t matter how many times I do this, that sound and sight will always give me goosebumps. What a beautiful, healthy baby you both have.”
I should correct her; I should tell her that it isn’t possible for me…but something stops me. If Lacey notices, she doesn’t let on. The only thing she does is cover her mouth with her hand, as if she can’t believe that sound is her baby’s heartbeat.
Lu carries on, unaware of the turmoil my mind is in. She tells Lacey she is thirteen weeks and two days pregnant and discusses the size and structure, then informs her that she’s going to take some measurements now.
Once she’s done, she turns the screen for us to look at. “This here is the baby’s face, a cute little button nose there, down here are the legs. It’s too early to tell the sex of the baby yet, but there you are.”
I stare in awe at the baby and the sound of the heartbeat. I can feel a lump in my throat, and out of the corner of my eye, I catch Lacey staring at me.
Turning my face towards her, I have the widest smile, and so does she. “You’re a mum, Lace.” The words leave my lips on a whisper, and I gently tuck a stray hair behind her ear. It feels intimate but right.
Lu clears her throat. “We’re done now. Would you like pictures?”
Lacey nods.
“Oh my god, I have to pee so badly.” She starts to clean off the gel from her stomach, and Lu points to a door just behind her; Lacey darts off.
The lady who prints the photos has just finished putting them all in little white sleeves with a picture of a stork and a baby in a blanket on the front. She hands Lacey a stack of them, and I chuckle.
“Do you think you have enough there, Lace?”
She tuts at me and rolls her eyes. “I got one for everyone. Including you, but yours is special because it’s the same one I have.” She hands me the picture, and I turn it around. The baby is sucking their thumb, and one foot is kicked up in the air. I run my thumb over the image, amazed that this little human is growing inside of my best friend.
“Wow, Lace, thank you. Are you sure?” I feel my voice start to clog with emotion.
“Of course I’m sure. Little Peanut needs to know who their Uncle Cole is, right?”
I don’t know why that hurts so much, but a crack rips through my heart.Uncle. That’s who I am, that’s who I will always be, and I need to remember that. “Yeah, right.” I smile at her as hollow as I feel. Some things just aren’t meant to be.
Chapter 9
Lacey
15weekspregnant.Babysize – apple.
Two weeks. That’s how long it has been since my first scan, and when I saw Cole’s face drop when I called him uncle. I could have kicked myself the second I said it and saw the look in his eyes. Ever since then, he’s been offish with me, not awful, just distant. He has, however, brought me a fruit that matches the size of the baby each new week, always with a sweet little note. It’s become the thing I look forward to most.
In the past week, I’ve only seen him once, when he brought me a kiwi fruit. He told me that his company has started on a new site, and so he’s been busy there most nights. I’ve grown accustomed to our quiet nights in together, watching TV or playing board games. I guess I’ve taken him for granted in that respect.
An idea strikes me. I open my phone and text the girls.
Me
Ladies, what kind of thank you gift can I get Cole?
Hayls
Do you want me to answer that? *egg plant emoji* *water droplet emoji*
Emmy
