“Hey there, little Peanut, can you hear me?” The bubbles pop over and over as if she’s reacting to his voice, and I cry out.
“Did you feel that?” I run my fingers through his hair, but he shakes his head. “Maybe as she gets bigger.” I murmur, trying to reassure him. He doesn’t look sad or annoyed that he can’t feel her; there’s just awe in his eyes.
“Still set on Peanut being a girl then?” He looks up at me and smiles.
I nod. “I’m positive she is…I wanted to know if you would come with me again to the next scan? It’s next week.”
“Yeah, I’ll be there, won’t I, Peanut?” He places a kiss on my bump and closes his eyes. As he stands, he lowers his face to kiss my cheek. “I’ll go make us breakfast.” Then he walks off, leaving me flustered and wanting.
After I finish showering and getting ready, I head back to the living room to find Cole has made us breakfast. I notice he has made us more mango smoothies, along with French toast and berries. I sit down to him and dig in, moaning at the taste of sugary goodness that coats my tongue.
“Cole, these are amazing!”
His cheeks tinge red. “So, when is the next scan? I’ll make sure I’m free that day.”
“It’s next Wednesday. I was…uhm…going to offer Ted if he wanted to go as well…Not instead of you. I want you there for sure.”
He smiles at me. “It’s okay. He’s the biological father, Lacey. I get it. I’ll be there either way…” He looks like he wants to say more.
“Cole, what is it?” I expect him to brush me off like always.
“I’ve been seeing someone over the past few weeks, and she’s been helping me with…with something that’s been on my mind…”
He trails off when he sees my face. I can’t help it; I feel hollowed out. Cole has been seeing someone? Have I beenmisreading all of those signs?Oh god, they weren’t signs!He must think I’m desperate.
“Lacey, it’s not what you think…”
“No, it’s fine. You’re with someone, that’s great. But you could have told me you know. You never let me in, but you let some…some…floozy in!” I’m full-on shouting now as rage fills my vision.
I abandon the delicious French toast because there is no way I am eating his French toast now.
“Lacey, will you stop and listen?”
Nope, sorry, Cole. Fuck you!
“Fuck off, Cole!” I storm out of the living room and head for my bedroom, which takes me all of two seconds because my place is that small. I run in and shut the door behind me.
“Fine,” Cole’s muffled voice sounds through the door, “You have no option now but to listen to me…” I don’t give him any sign I am listening, although I am, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“I’m seeing a therapist, Lacey…”
Wow, that was NOT what I thought he was going to say.
“She’s called Sandra. She’s the same age as my parents, and she’s been helping me…” I don’t dare breathe. “I…I…fuck why is this so hard!...” He pauses for a moment. “I can’t have children, Lacey…I had an accident when I was younger. I don’t know if you remember, but…” I nod to myself, I do remember. “Something happened, and I was told that I could never, biologically, have children because of the trauma.”
Trauma. Oh, my poor sweet Cole.My heart breaks as everything starts to make sense – the sudden reluctant teenage Cole to take things further, why he’s never had any genuine relationships, why he insisted we only stay friends.
“I thought, for so many years, and somehow I still feel like I’m not good enough. I can’t contribute or give you what you want,but Lacey, I’m done with that.” He pauses for a moment. “I’m your guy. It’s me, Lacey. I’m the one who is going to love you like no one has ever loved you before. I want to be the last first kiss you have. I want to take Peanut on as my own and to be the best girl dad there has ever been because, Lacey, it has always been you. There has never been anyone who has come close; you’re the bar I hold everyone else up to. I just hope you give me the chance to prove myself to you. And if this isn’t what you want, then I’ll be your best friend and I’ll still be here…”
I’ve heard enough. Cole loves me, really loves me, and he wants me, he wants us. I stand back and rip open the door to find him leaning against it. He falls back and whacks his head on the floor, and I burst out laughing.
“You’re such an idiot, Cole Peterson.”
He smiles up at me. “I realise that now.” He stands up and cups my face with both his hands. “I’m not perfect and I still have a long way to go…”
“Shut up and kiss me, Cole…”
The kiss isn’t slow or learning. It’s fast and hot, like our mouths have known what to do this whole time. My hands travel up his body, and I start undoing buttons as I go along before pushing his shirt off his shoulders.
