Our life.
Our happiness.
Chapter 20
Lacey
For the life of me, I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept thinking about my dad, all alone in that hospital. Did he read my note? Had he known that I was there for him in his time of need? Could he hear me when he was unconscious?
The last time I looked at the clock, it was just before 3 am. Do I dare look again? When I blink, my lids scratch at my eyeballs, like tiny little grains of sand are flitting about in there. Maybe that’s my punishment for not insisting I stay with my dad, scratchy eyeballs for the whole night and zero sleep.How long can someone survive on no sleep?
“Lacey…I can practically hear your brain rattling about inside your skull. Why haven’t you slept yet?” Cole’s mumbled voice floats across the bed.
“Shh, go back to sleep. I have been asleep. You’re just dreaming,” I whisper back to him in hopes he will drift off again and leave me to my pity party for one.
“Liar.” He sits up in bed and rubs his eyes. “Horlicks?” He shimmies to the side of the bed and gets up.
I scramble up after him. “Cole, come on, it’s late. There’s no use for both of us to be awake.” I follow after him as he walks into the kitchen.
He starts to gather the ingredients for the drink: a pan, milk, cups, and Horlicks. He puts the milk on the hob to heat and stirs it slowly. “Cole, you have work in the morning, and I have the day off. I can nap during the day.” My attempt falls flat; he just turns around and smiles at me.
“Do you remember when you used to stay over at my house, and my mum would make us hot milk when we couldn’t sleep? Somehow, you would only last a few minutes after drinking it and fall right back asleep.” I smile at his memory. “Do you honestly think I’m going to let you stay awake by yourself? We’re in this together, whether I have work the next day or not. And spoiler alert, I’m the boss, so if I want to arrive late, I can.” He shrugs like his words mean nothing at all, when in reality they’re probably some of the most important words he has ever said.
“We haven’t talked about what’s going to happen once the baby is here…” I’m nervous about having this conversation with him.
“What do you mean?” His back is to me while he stirs the milk. That makes this a little easier.
“I mean, the house probably won’t be ready. Are you going to move in here with us? Do you want to be involved in the baby stuff?” I trail off, unsure of what I’m even asking him.
He spoons the Horlicks into the cups, then pours the milk over them, stirring until everything is well mixed. His motions are slow and steady. He places the cup in front of me and bringshis to his mouth, blowing gently on it—the steam twirls up and around him.
“Lacey, you’re staring.” He smirks at me.
“Yeah, well, you aren’t answering my question!” I pick up my cup and blow on the mixture before drinking the malted goodness.
“I love you, Lacey. I love Peanut. I am here for it all. The nighttime feeds and changes, the daytime feeds and changes. Your mood swings, because let’s face it, there will be many.” I go to interrupt him, but he cocks an eyebrow, and I shut up, letting him continue. “I will be there for the birth, if that’s okay with you. I will change her nappies, and I will swap out your nipple pads. I’ll go out shopping for your sanitary towels, because after the baby is born, the books say you need them –a lot.I will make you food and feed her while you sleep. I want to sit and watch movies together and your TV shows. I want to sing Peanut lullabies at night. I want it all.”
He drinks his malted drink like he doesn’t have a care in the world.
“You truly are all in, aren’t you?” My question isn’t really a question, because I know. It’s a statement.
“Yes, I truly am all in. Now finish up your drink.”
We sit there in silence while we drink, and when I’m finished, he grabs my hand and guides me back to bed, pulling back the covers. He waits for me to climb in, then walks around the bed and scoots in behind me. He wraps his arm around my bump and gently pulls me closer to snuggle into him. I sigh heavily, and the last thing I remember is Cole telling me how much he loves us both before my eyelids droop and sleep drags me under in a dreamless sleep.
**********
I wake up in the morning alone. Cole’s side of the bed is made neatly, and I feel a pang of sadness that he isn’t here, which is entirely irrational…but, hormones.
On my nightstand next to the bed is a bottle of water, my prenatal vitamins and a note. Opening the note, it reads:
Make sure to take your vitamins. I needed to go to the worksite this morning, but I’ll be back for lunch. Love you x
His note makes me smile, so I do as I’m told and take my vitamins and lie back down. I have a whole morning to myself. Emmy and Hayleigh are working, and I don’t feel like I can dump my trauma onto Daisy so early on in our friendship.
You know what you really want to do…
Stupid heart and stupid brain. Of course, I want to see my dad, but what if I get there and he’s mad? I remember the last time I saw him.
