“Hey, Dad.” I smile at him, but I don’t move. I’m too scared of the rejection, and I brace for him to tell me this was a mistake, that I shouldn’t have come here.
“Come sit down, sweetheart. You shouldn’t be on your feet too long.” He nods at my ever-growing bump and smiles. That knot loosens a little further inside of me.
I move to the chair beside his bed and sit, placing my bag beside me. I don’t know what to say to him. Do I start the conversation? Do I hug him?No, don’t do that, Lacey, you idiot.
“Your thoughts are still as loud now as they were when you were little.” His voice is kind.
That’s a good sign, right?Good. That was the last word he said to me, and that wasn’t good at all.
“What happened to you?” I nod to the machines around him. Don’t talk about the past; now isn’t the time. His being in here, now that’s a safe conversation zone.
He nods like he understands. “I’ve been sober now for three years, and I’ve been trying to get better, get healthier.Unfortunately, when you abuse your body for as long as I did, there are consequences. I had a lucky escape, and I don’t plan on wasting that.” His words are heavy, and I’m not entirely sure if he means he doesn’t plan on wasting his time on me or with me.
“So, what have you been doing for the last seven years?”Way to ease in there, Lacey.
He chuckles. “So much like your mother. You have her spark of fieriness, you know?” I shake my head. I didn’t know that. “After…after I was…” He looks up to the ceiling and tears pool in his eyes. “There are no words that can describe how sorry and ashamed I am. I had no right to treat you the way I did. I had no right to blame you for your mother's passing or for…losing myself so much that I didn’t see I had the very best part of her – I had you.” He wipes his eyes, but I don’t move. I want to comfort him, to believe this is the truth, but I’m scared and rooted to the spot.
“I don’t expect you to accept my apology, but Lacey, if you let me, then I promise for the rest of my days I will try to be the father that you deserve.”
“Why didn’t you find me sooner? If you have been clean for three years, Dad, why?” My voice is now louder than a whisper; my throat is raw, and it feels like I have a ball of something stuck in it.
“Shame, Lacey. I was ashamed of myself. I knew you hated me, and I hated myself. I didn’t want to give you a shitty half version of myself, I wanted to be right.”
That knot loosens and unravels as the past seven years and more come pouring out of me. I let the tears fall freely. I let my dad scoot to one side of his bed and pat it beside him. I let myself climb onto the bed and burrow myself in his chest like I wanted to all those times when I was a little girl. I let him put his arms around me and hold me close.
I let my inner child sob for the life she should have had. I let her wish for the future she will have.
Most of all, I let myself believe and hope that I am getting my happy ending.
I have Cole, I have the Petersons, I have my beautiful friends, I have our Peanut, and now I have my Dad.
We stay like this, crying softly until I can cry no more, and exhaustion drags me under.
My Dad loves me after all.
Chapter 21
Cole
Waking up this morning with Lacey wrapped tightly around me was heaven, but the best part was when I placed my hand on her stomach. Peanut started to move about, and I felt her, for the very first time, while her Mummy slept. Then I had to get up and get ready for work. I knew I wanted to be away by lunchtime, and I had our main project to check on, as well as my side project.
I spent longer at the main site, dealing with idiotic contractors and arrogant delivery drivers, which means that now, at lunchtime, I’m only just checking in on the side project.
As I pull up and climb out of my truck, I hear the rush of people and the laughter of work friends. The place is a buzz of energy, and I’m eager to find Cas to see how it’s going. I slowly walk through the empty hole that is going to be our front doorand into the hallway, and look around, imagining the place that Lacey wants.
We sat down one evening and discussed the plans, including what each room would look like, where the doors would be placed, how many electrical sockets we would have, and what the decorating would entail. A voice snaps me out of my daydream.
“There he is. Hello brother.” Cas claps me on the back and flourishes his arm out. “What do you think?”
I nod my head and smile. “Very impressive. I can’t believe you got the roofers here before their due date; they’re never usually on time.”
He laughs. “Oh, don’t worry, I have my ways.” He winks and tugs on my arm. “Come on, let me show you upstairs!”
We walk up the stairway, which is currently just scaffolding, and reach the top level.
“Okay, so I’ve booked the electricians to make a start at the end of this week, once the roof is up and ready. Windows and doors are going in tomorrow and then…” He trails off when my phone starts ringing.
I look down and see it’s my mum, and panic floods through me. “What happened? Is Lacey okay, the baby? Are you okay? Is Dad?”
