I was only fifteen years old; I shouldn’t have cared, but the look of devastation on my parents’ faces was too much. I thought about Lacey and what it would mean for us. There was no way I could ask her to be my girlfriend now, knowing she’d always wanted a house full of children. And so I did what I knew best: I pushed her away and kept us firmly in the friend zone. I lied to my best friend, keeping my feelings locked away.
Until now.
I look towards where Lacey stands, her eyes wide and shining with tears. She spins around and launches herself into my arms as I murmur, “Surprise.”
“Do they still have the carousel?” She cranes her head back to catch my eyes, and suddenly she looks carefree and relaxed, like the past few months haven’t taken their toll. I nod as she grabs my hand and drags me towards Grands Fair’s entrance.
I pay for our entry, and we get stamps on our hands. I look down at the little clown smiling at me and shiver. Of course, Lacey notices.
“I will never understand your fear of clowns. They’re always so happy.” She looks at her own hand, smiling.
“They’re always psychotic.” I deadpan as she barks out a laugh.
“Come on, big baby, I want to find this carousel.”
I grab her hand and we set off on a lazy stroll around the fairground, a smile stretched wide on my face because I have Lacey on my arm. All around us, families and couples stroll around and wait in queues for their turn on the rides. One couple tries to wrangle their small child as they try to climb the fence. The dad is busy laughing at his small son while Mum looks like she’s losing her will.
Lacey looks up at me and smiles softly. “I can’t wait to get into disagreements with you over Peanut.” I lean down and kiss her softly because words are failing me. I can’t believe this really is my life now.
We round the corner, and Lacey gasps at the carousel before us. In the centre of the fair’s square, the carousel sits inside a wooden structure to protect it, no doubt, from the typical English weather. The roof is a bright gold, and the columns supporting it are a beautiful ivory, adorned with gold and green vines that wind around them. The centre column is covered in mirrors that create endless images of the horses lazily travelling up and down around the carousel. The horses themselves are ornate creatures of all different colours. Some are unicorns, some are steeds, and some have flower crowns, but one thing they have in common is their beautiful paintwork.
We join the queue and are lucky enough that there are not many people in front of us. Lacey heads straight for the unicorn. “Will you be okay getting on that?”
She turns her head and levels me with a glare. “Cole, sweetie, I’m pregnant, not incapacitated.” Then she climbs up and swings her leg over with ease.
Being as tall as I am, my legs stand easily on either side of the horse I chose. Lacey looks over to me and rolls her eyes. “You have to lift your feet and put them in the stirrups.” I do as I’m told, holding on like the good boy I am.
“You know, Cole, you’re going to have to get used to this.” I look questioningly at her before she says, “Because I can guarantee our little girl is going to love the carousel.”
She gives me one of those dazzling smiles of hers, and my heart skips a beat. Before I can respond, the music starts, and I’m jolted forward as the carousel starts to slowly turn. My eyes are trained on Lacey. She throws her head back as a carefree laugh peels out of her, and I immediately know three things.
One, this was a great idea.
Two, I would give anything to hear that laugh all the time.
And three, I can finally let go of what happened to me. Sandra was right, it doesn’t have to define me.
**********
After spending an hour going on and off the carousel, I finally convinced Lacey to play some fairground games. I had already spotted the plush dancing aubergine hanging from the Hook ‘a’ Duck tent, and I am determined to get that for Lacey’s twenty-eight-week gift.
Thatwasthe plan.
Currently, I’ve spent £40 and I’m still nowhere near winning it. Lacey giggles at my side as, yet again, I hook the duck with no prize.
“At least you won a rubber duck holding a guitar. Come on, Cole, don’t waste any more money.” She holds onto my arm, but there is no way I am not winning.
“That dancing aubergine in sunglasses is coming home with us.” At this, she barks out a laugh, but I am dead serious.
Okay, you little yellow fuck, you better be a winner.
I find the duck that I think could be the winner. It has one eye and is discoloured compared to the rest. I ready my hook and, when it swims within reach, I scoop it out of the water. Lacey looks underneath and squeals in delight, jumping and clapping her hands because we won the fucking aubergine.
Chapter 27
Lacey
It’s the last day of our babymoon, and I feel the sadness start to seep in at the prospect of going home. I’m looking forward to seeing everyone, but at the same time, I have loved it being Cole and me. I’ve loved it even more being in the same home as him.
