Chapter 30
Lacey
34weekspregnant.Babysize = Cantaloupe
“Lacey? Sweetie? Are you ready?” May’s head pops through the bedroom door as she tentatively walks in.
“I’m not going, May.” My words are clipped, and I want to slap myself with how much of a bitch I’m being lately, but these past two weeks…No. Don’t go there.
“Honey, I know you’re in a vulnerable place right now. It isn’t easy on you…but…well, to be honest, it isn’t easy on any of us right now…” She breaks down, and my heart breaks all over again.
I rush up and get to her as quickly as my waddle lets me. “May, I’m sorry.” I bundle her into my arms.
“Cole would want you to go.” Hearing those words cracks my heart even further.
She leaves me to get ready, so I grab my suitcase and throw on the black sweater dress that I bought last year, but it was too big. Now it fits perfectly, the colour a perfect match for how I feel inside and the place I’m about to visit.
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I always loved this time of year. The leaves turn that beautiful russet colour, and the floor is a mirror image of all those that have fallen already. Cole and I would go to the park as kids and kick the fallen leaves on dry days; his mum would always shout about hidden dog poop. I feel Peanut wiggling inside me, her movements slowing over the last two weeks.
She can sense when he isn’t around – her daddy.
My dad is waiting for me at the edge of the cemetery, a sad smile on his face, one I struggle to return. I don’t like this place, never have.
“Hey, kiddo, are you ready? I’ll be here with you.”
I look up at him, thankful that he’s here for me.
We walk gingerly to the grave, making sure not to disrespect anyone else’s. When I see the headstone, I crumble.
Penelope ‘Penny’ Fullman
Amazing wife, outstanding mother, loving daughter
Beautiful & smart
Till we meet again, my love
“Hi, Mum.” My voice is barely a whisper, and suddenly I’m thankful to Cole for pushing me to come today. I didn’t want to leave him alone for his first physiotherapy appointment after what happened, but he insisted it was important to visit my mum on her anniversary.
I love that man so much.
My dad, the total sweetheart, brought a camping chair for me to sit on and a blanket to cover my legs from the chill in the air.
“I’m going to nip over there to see grandma’s grave and give you a few minutes, okay, sweetpea?” He kisses the top of my head, and then it’s just me and Mum.
“I feel silly,” I say distractedly, my eyes unfocused. A squirrel hops down from the tree behind Mum’s grave. Its bushy tail flaps in the wind as the little critter makes its way across the graves to my mum's headstone. It climbs up the side and sits firmly on the top.
“Hi there,” I greet the squirrel, feeling even sillier. The squirrel looks at me and cocks its head, like it’s waiting for me to go on. “Guess I’ll talk to you then. I miss you, Mum, more so lately, and I know that sounds awful, but…I think it’s because I’m about to become a mum myself. I have May, and she’s been amazing, but…it still hurts that you aren’t here.”
The squirrel continues to stare at me, its big eyes looking at me soulfully.
“I am happy, though. I have Cole. You would have loved him; he’s everything to me and to Peanut. I got Dad back, too. He painted the most beautiful mural for Peanut’s nursery, and he has a job with Cole’s firm. You would be so proud of him, Mum…I am.”
A twig snaps, and the squirrel darts off, back towards its tree. I turn to see my dad, tears welling in his eyes. “How much of that did you hear?”
He swipes at his eyes. “Enough, sweetpea. I love you too.”
