“She’s a friendly girl,” Akiva said with a bit of a snort-laugh thatmade Judah want to smack his brother. “Nah, seriously, she’s cool. It’s nice that she took pity on your uptight ass and talked to you.”
A grunt was all Judah could manage in response, until he realized Akiva could answer some of the questions that’d been nagging at him. “She used to be with your roommate, right?”
“Danny? ‘With’ is a strong word, but yeah, they were hooking up for a while.”
Judah dug his spoon back into his yogurt a little more forcefully than before but found his appetite disappearing by the second. “Then what?”
Akiva rolled his eyes. “Then Danny decided he had to get serious about dating, started going out with a college girl for like four months, and hasn’t had a real relationship since they broke up. I’m pretty sure he regrets breaking things off with Ari, but he insists he’s still trying to find the real thing.”
Judah was dying to ask if Danny and Arielle ever picked up where they left off, but he knew that too many questions would tip Akiva off, and anyway, it was none of his business. Arielle wasn’t his girlfriend—wasn’t his at all. It was just that those words—I wore a skirt up to my ass for you, Judah. I’m wearing my sluttiest underwear for you—had been running through his head on heavy repeat since the night before, and though he knew that objectively, “skirt up to my ass” and “sluttiest underwear” should be the hottest parts of that sentence, it was the “for you” that wouldn’t stop clawing into his brain.
That wasn’t nothing.
Was it?
Then another question he absolutely did not want the answer to hit him in the gut. “What about you?” Judah asked, hoping he sounded far more casual than he felt. “You and Ari ever…?”
“God no,” said Akiva, and Judah had to grit his teeth to stop himself from offering up a prayer. “Ari and I are friends, no benefits.”
“Really? Not even once?”
Akiva side-eyed him. “You know we don’t, like, pass her around, right?”
Judah’s face flushed hot. “Of course I know that. I didn’t mean—it’s just, you guys are close. I didn’t get the sense she’s the kind of girl one is… just friends with.” God, he hated himself. The more he tried to cover up his interest, the worse he sounded.
“Wow, you are as judgy as ever,” Akiva said with a frown. “I thought when you came to my party that maybe you’d chilled out a little, but it’s been like five minutes and all you’ve done is talk shit about my friend and make it clear you don’t think I can keep it in my pants.”
Defensiveness instinctively seeped into Judah’s bones. “I was just making conversation,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Yeah, well, your conversation sucks, and Arielle Becker isn’t my type.”
“She’s not yourtype?” Judah shoved his spoon into what remained of his froyo, remnants of his first real conversation with Ari coming back to him in a flash. “Now who’s being judgy? What, do you only date skinny college girls?”
“No, Judah.” Akiva leveled him with a silencing glare. “I only dateguys, not that you’ve ever bothered to get to know me well enough to know that.”
That shut Judah right up.
“That it?” Akiva said caustically, jamming his spoon into his ice cream and sending a spray of rainbow sprinkles flying. “I’m gay, Judah. You’re on a roll for giving me shit. Don’t stop now. You’ve gotta have something to say about that.”
Judah took a deep breath, willing his argumentative instincts to take a back seat. Somewhere in the recesses of his addled mind, he had the wherewithal to remember that he’d only get one chance to respond to his baby brother coming out to him, and neither of them would forgive or forget if he messed it up. “That’s—thankyou for telling me.” He swallowed around the lump in his throat. “I’m—I’m sorry that’s how you had to do it. I really wasn’t trying to be a jerk. Just natural, I guess. Genetics,” he added with a small smile.
“Okay, well… that’s not how this was supposed to go.” Akiva’s lips twitched. “I was all ready to be mad.”
“That’s how you wanted to tell me? Angrily?”
“I don’t know.” Akiva exhaled a sharp breath through his nostrils. “Guess I wanted to tell you badly enough that it just came out. And it’s not because you’re a shitty brother that you didn’t know; that was just me being an asshole. I’m only out to a handful of people, including Ari.”
“Well, I’m honored to be one of them now. Is there a guy in the picture?”
“No one serious. It’s kinda hard to find other queer observant guys, especially once you age out of the youth organizations. But I’ve gone out with a few, and I’m slowly meeting people, mostly in Brooklyn. I do wish I hadn’t spent so many years trying to be straight though. It feels like there are fewer and fewer opportunities as you get older.”
Judah nodded. That last part felt universal, but he wasn’t even going to try to pretend the two situations compared. Instead, he snaked an arm around his brother’s shoulders and pulled him into a side-armed hug. “Well, whenever it works out for you, I hope you’ll let me sing at your wedding.”
Akiva rested his head against Judah’s. “I can’t afford you.”
“No, you definitely can’t. But I’ll give you ten percent off because you’re family.” He kissed the top of Akiva’s head, and then, as if they’d both just realized that was about one billion times more affectionate than they’d ever gotten, they immediately went back to eating their mostly melted ice cream.
But with Akiva having told him his big truth, Judah could no longer keep his down. “I lied.”
