And in truth, Mira did make sense. She was kind and friendly, dressed neatly and modestly—knees, elbows, and collarbone all covered—and made it no secret that she wanted kids and was looking for a husband who went to minyan and learned every day. He learned that she loved to cook, and she was currently living in Washington Heights, only a few blocks from where he used to. She crocheted as a hobby (particularly loved making kippot for her brothers and nephews) and worked as a speech therapist.
When he’d asked why she thought she was still single, she’d admitted she was the one who was picky. “I just want to feel that spark, you know?”
And then she’d looked at him and blushed.
She was exactly what he should’ve been looking for, ticked every box. Everyone whose eyes swept over them while pretending not to stare seemed to look on in approval (except for those who wanted him for their own friends and relatives). She smiled proudly when fans stopped by, and helped him field awkward conversations. They fit neatly and easily, like a toddler’s puzzle pieces.
Most importantly, there was no temptation to pull her into a quiet corner and kiss her until their lips grew numb. He wasn’t embarrassing himself by laughing too loudly or losing his ability to focus because the mere sight of her rendered him an idiot.
Being here with Arielle would’ve been a disaster.
This… this was what it should be. And maybe he just needed to give it a chance.
With a sigh, he refocused on the prayers he was supposed to be saying, then settled in for the scheduled lecture afterward. When they asked him to make Havdalah for everyone after Maariv services, he noticed that Mira, too, had stayed for both the lectureand davening. Then she caught him looking her way and ducked her head shyly.
Still, he couldn’t deny that the thing he wanted to do most now that yuntif was over was call Ari. He missed her throaty voice, the way making her laugh made him feel like a million bucks. He wanted to tell her he didn’t let himself be lonely, wanted to hear her tell him she was proud of him. But when he realized he was hoping to hear jealousy in her voice, he shook his head.
Move on, Hotmusic, he could hear her say.It’s not happening.
She’d told him they should get with other people. Hell, she probably already had. And if he waited around on a hope and a prayer that they could be something…
She didn’t want you making her dinner,he reminded himself.If the power hadn’t gone out, she would’ve run into a thunderstorm rather than stay the night. How many more ways can she tell you she doesn’t want a relationship with you?
And then, beneath that:Imagine if you’d brought her here. Imagine telling those guys that actually, the girl they call Bend Her Like Becker is your girlfriend. How exactly does that play out?
The un-pep talk half worked—it was hard to ignore the way imagining introducing Ari as his girlfriend made his heart pound despite the potential consequences—but then he looked up and met Mira’s gaze, her hopeful half smile.
He could call Ari. He could call her, and maybe she’d want to talk, and he could lose the entire night to lying in bed while talking to her, maybe even watching a movie together over the phone. He could, maybe, prolong the fantasy, just a little longer. He could do all of that, but what would be the point?
Besides, if there was one thing Ari had woken in him, it was the idea that there waspossibilityout there. And why should he let that go to waste instead of giving himself a real shot at the future he’d always wanted?
Before he could second-guess himself, he walked to the backof the room, where Mira was chatting with Aaron while also obviously waiting for him. “Hey,” he greeted them.
“Hey, man. Nice Havdalah.”
“Thanks.” He fixed his eyes on Mira. “Are you going to the concert tonight?”
“I was thinking about it,” she said, tapping a finger to her lips, “but then again, he’s no Judah Klein.”
“Yeah, though that guy’s overplayed, don’t you think?”
“Nope. In fact, I’m really looking forward to his performance on Wednesday night. But I suppose, for now, these guys will do to tide me over.”
“Good. I mean…” Judah glanced over at Aaron, expecting to see him laughing at their awkward flirting, but apparently he’d already lost interest in them and disappeared, which meant they were alone, and it was now or never.
Let yourself have a good time, Judah. It’s only as lonely as you let it be.
He coughed and took a breath. “I mean, would you like to go with me?”
The glow on Mira’s face could’ve lit up the entire room, and Judah felt a hateful twinge at the realization that Ari would never, ever look at him that way. But as he and Mira made plans to meet up in the lobby in half an hour, Judah told himself it was time to let go. Arielle Becker was always meant to be temporary.
But Mira? She was looking for permanence. And she was looking at him. And she just might be the best chance he had.
Judah took his hundredth glance at his watch, willing the hands to move faster. He took a shower and got dressed in record time so his mind wouldn’t have time to wander to the very places it so often did lately when he was naked. But now he was all dressed with no place to go for the next fifteen minutes.
The temptation to call Arielle grew the longer he sat, to the point where he put his phone in his nightstand drawer. Then it struck him that he’d been so distracted that he hadn’t even called home. Feeling like every inch the wicked son, he retrieved his phone and called his mom.
“Hi, sweetie!” She sounded so thrilled to hear from him that the guilt in the pit of his stomach turned into a swirling mass. “How’s Mexico?”
