CHAPTER 2
I know something’s up the moment I waltz into the kitchen in the morning. Marissa’s on the phone, her mouth pinched as she takes a sip from her triple-shot espresso instead of her usual matcha latte, as if she needs the extra energy to deal with people’s bullshit.
“M-ning.” I fish for a piece of toast, spreading on some olive oil. My heart slams against my rib cage when my manager doesn’t lift her gaze.
“She’s here. I’ll ring you back,” she mumbles into the phone, then hangs up and turns to me. Her eyes roam over my face with an icy stare. It steals the air from my lungs. “Did you come out on social media last night without telling me?”
“What?” I settle into the seat beside her, but the tension in her voice wraps around the air. “I’m being serious… what?”
She hands me her phone. The wordsSassy,aroace, andcoming outare trending across multiple platforms. My stomach sinks as I browse through a barrage of posts. Shit. Did I like that post from my main account? People are taking itas a soft launch now. Fuck. Not just that. I forgot to charge my phone last night, so I didn’t even find out until this morning. That’s long enough for everyone to make a big deal out of it.
“Oh.” A faint ringing sound takes over my ears, building into a screech as I run upstairs and rip my phone from where it’s charging. There it is, in plain sight. The post from last night that has been shared and reposted across social media thousands of times. How could I let this happen?
My throat closes up as I read through some of the comments on a video someone’s made.
sassysearringwhat does aroace mean? that her body count is 0?
alphawolf69i could change that free of charge
sassyspiercingsyou’re fucking disgusting. @sassy, don’t listen. you’re so valid. welcome to the community!
muscles_musclesthere is no way she’s ace… look at the way she dresses.
sassyslilfrecklegood for her! what flavor of aro and ace is she though? hope she shares it with us.
sassyspiercingsshe DOES NOT owe us an explanation?
sassysdiscardedtoenailswdym good for her. i would kms. being in love is the best feeling in the world? she’s probably going to be alone forever. i’d feel sorry for her if it’s true.
sassyslefteyebrowwait then who are her songs about?
randomuser_987234yeah, she lied. it’d be one thing if her songs were written by others, but they’re hers.
Shock runs through me like a heated wire. It’s not just the stereotypes that irk me. Will people stop listening to my music when they discover there’s no boyfriend, no love story behind them?
My finger hovers over the screen. I don’t know what to do. My first instinct is to call my moms, but I don’t want them to worry. Knowing them, they’ll cut the trip short and come home early. Besides, I’m an adult. I can vote. I can drive, although I don’t have my license yet and driving stresses the shit out of me. I make my own money. I can figure this out alone. And I already know what they’d tell me. Mamá would say, “What’s done is done. What matters is what you do from now on.” Mom would hug me and tell me to look at it objectively. How it’s not a big deal. That at the end of the day we’re all living on a rock floating in space that exists inside a multiverse. My sister Sonia would drag me out of the house and we’d ride our bikes until sunset.
“I liked it by accident.” I take a deep breath and bury my face in my hands. “Shit. I thought I was using my private account.”
“Oh! Okay. Yeah. No. I thought so, too.” Relief washes over Marissa’s features. “We can work with that. I got a rather panicked call from the label this morning. You know they don’t like it when we do things without checking in with them first.”
I shift in my seat. I don’t see how my sexuality is anyone’s business. Especially my label’s. Most of them are cis straight men, so I don’t know if they’d even get it. One time I mentioned the wordaromanticin a meeting and an exec thought I meantaromatic. Somehow that’s how the special edition of my album ended up smelling like strawberries.
“What do we do?” I don’t like the way my voice shakes.
I didn’t want to come out like this, but maybe… maybe it’s not a big deal. Maybe I can handle this.
If only my heart could stop beating out of my chest and get the message.
“We tell the truth.” Marissa squeezes my hand across the table. “Just post a video explaining the situation. It’ll blow over in a week. Besides, we don’t want this to take attention away from the Grammys or your new music video.”
I nod, willing my body to stop shaking. I don’t want my aroace identity to eclipse my music, either, or for people to start asking me inappropriate questions likeAre you a virgin?(no),Do you hate sex?(I don’t, but I don’t want it, either),So you’ve never been in a relationship?(I have).
In some weird way, I feel like a weight has been lifted offmy shoulders. It’s not the way I would have wanted to tell, but I might as well come out. If I don’t, I’ll have to deny it, and I don’t want to lie to my fans. Or myself.
I already tried that, and it almost killed me.
“We’ll just say that you liked that post by mistake, and that it doesn’t mean anything,” Marissa says. “People are just making assumptions about your sexuality and that’s not okay.”
