As soon as we get hungry, we decide to order pizza and rewatchThe Hunger Games. It’s been one of our favorite movies since we were little.
“Peeta brings out the best in Katniss. Gale doesn’t,” I say.
“Peeta never had a chance!” Mia slaps a pillow for emphasis. “If Gale had been reaped, Katniss would have fallen for him instead.” She flicks a leftover piece of bacon in my direction. “I don’t believe you! Isn’t best-friends-to-lovers your favorite trope?”
“Not in this case!” I say. We continue bickering like this for a while. And it’s perfect, because it’s us, the old us, like I’m holding a piece of the past between my fingers. When we get to the scene where Peeta and Katniss pretend to get engaged, Mia pauses the movie.
“Is it like that?” she asks. “Fake-dating someone. Are you and Kai like Katniss and Peeta?”
“We’re not forced by the government to be entertainment puppets,” I say.
“In a way, you are, no? Except the government is your fans.”
“I—” My stomach clenches. My fans are not the enemy. I’ve never felt like they are. I don’t know who the enemy really is. “It feels like acting, except nobody knows you’re acting.”
My eyes flicker to her blanket. There’s a loose thread poking from the edge. I curl it around my finger until my skin turns red.
“Your contract is almost done, right?” She switches to Spanish, as if worried someone might hear us through the walls. “What happens next? Do you have to pretend to hate each other afterward?”
If Asher and Rosa’s relationship is any indication, we might.
“I don’t know.” The thread snaps. I let it sit around my finger. “Kai sort of asked me to move in with him.”
“What?” She bounces in her seat, slamming her laptop shut. “What did you tell him?”
“I’m thinking about it,” I admit. “I want to try living by myself, but I don’t want to live alone, and it’d be kind of nice—”
“Sasha, you have to be careful,” she says, clutching my hands. “He’s not your boyfriend.”
“And I don’t want him to be. But I mean, he could be, like, a partner?”
Concern etches across her face. “Are you starting to have feelings for him?”
“No.” I’m surprised she’s even asking me this. “Definitely not. And I’m sure he doesn’t feel anything romantic for me, either.”
“So how would you be partners? You guys are just friends.”
“You know I hate that phrase.Just friends.”
“But how would that work? What happens when Kai falls in love with someone?” She shakes her head.
“I don’t know. I haven’t thought so far ahead,” I admit.
“Sorry, that came out harsher than I meant it to. You should do what feels right.” Mia leans her head against myshoulder. “I just worry about you. I want you to be happy. But I’ll support you no matter what.”
“Just tell me your unfiltered opinion,” I say. I’d rather she tells me what she’s thinking without worrying about hurting my feelings. “Don’t hold back.”
Mia presses her lips into a hard line. “Okay, well, it’s just… moving in together might seem like a good idea right now, but let’s say you do, and Kai finds someone. It’s a little awkward that he’s living with his ex. It’ll cause issues. And then when they start spending more time together, things will change between you again. I don’t want you to be sad when they do.”
“Maybe they won’t.”
A sliver of annoyance rises inside me. I want to tell her that she doesn’t get it, but deep down I know I’m the one who’s in denial.
“But they will. I mean, a relationship… people make plans about the future with their partner, not their friends,” she says. I don’t like the look of pity that takes over her face. “That’s why I said it’s best to be careful. Either you’re friends, or you’re in love.”
I chew on my lip. When I think of my future and I imagine Kai in it, I’m met with this peaceful feeling, but it has nothing to do with romantic love. Can I not love my friends as much as I’d love a boyfriend?
“I don’t think you should do couple-y things with him anymore,” Mia says when I don’t speak right away. “It might be okay now, but Sash, he’ll meet someone, or he might fall for you again, and it’ll destroy you both.”
