“I—” I trail off. I can’t bear the look on Kai’s face right now, the way that sweet smile drops from his face. I’ve broken up their intimacy, stealing a moment I wasn’t meant to intrude on. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt…”
My voice catches in my throat. I should have never come here. It was so stupid of me to think I could rely on Kai. He’s not my boyfriend. He owes me nothing.
Love always wins.Mia’s words are a mockery, echoing in my mind.
Without another word, I burst out of the house. Despite the jacket I’m wearing, shivers race down my arms—partly from the cold, partly from Kai’s frantic voice dashing down the street after me.
“Sasha. What happened?” Kai’s hand wraps around my arm, pulling me into a spin. His eyes widen, chest rising and falling with quick breaths. “Why are you back? Did something happen—”
“I’m okay.” I shove him away with enough force to make him stumble. “Leave me alone.”
Guilt snaps through me at the dejected look on his face. I don’t want him or Asher to think they’ve done anything wrong. Deep down, I’m happy for them. I had never seen Asher smile the way he did when Kai kissed him. They make sense together.
It’s just… It feels like everybody’s love makes my loneliness louder.
Stop trying to fix everyone else. Maybe you’re the broken one.
“Sasha, let us explain—” Kai says.Us.It used to meanme and him. Now it means him and Asher. I look around, expecting Asher to sprint out of the house, but it’s just Kai and me in the middle of the road.
How long have they been dating? Is there a reason they wanted to keep me in the dark, like Mia did? Am I just… Did I do something wrong?
“Go home, Kai” is all I say before I walk away. He moves as if to chase me. “Don’t.”
He stands there, frozen under a streetlight. I don’t even bother turning back to look at him as I take off running, my bag bouncing beside me.
Everything is a blur by the time I stagger through the door of my house. Tears carve salty trails down my cheeks, but I wipe them away in a hurry, not wanting to wake anyone up as I tiptoe my way to my room. I collapse on the bed without bothering to take my clothes off, wishing for the sweet release of sleep, but the pressure threatens to crush me. My therapist said accepting your sexuality gets easier with time, but for me, it’s the opposite. I don’t know how to fit into the mold everyone else effortlessly inhabits without suffocating. I don’t know where I fit in a world made for two, a world where friendship can’t measure up to romance.
Maybe the truth is there’s just no space for people like me, and I won’t ever be enough.
I wake up to several missed calls from Kai and Asher. I ignore them all.
I know it’s only a matter of time before they show up at my place, so I leave for the studio, making excuses about needing a new song in time for the Grammys when my moms and Sonia ask why I’m back early.
I don’t know if it’s my puffy eyes, or the way my voice keeps cracking when we try to record, but Shirley brings me tea and a chocolate croissant from the place down the block, a look of understanding on their face.
“You want to talk about it?” They slide their chair closer to mine.
“Not right now,” I say.
“Want to sing about it?” they ask, forcing a smile out of me—the first one today.
We’re halfway through a take when Shirley removes their headphones to answer a call. A minute later, they rise from their chair, abruptly marching toward the booth.
“Did I mess up? I’m sorry, let’s do another—” I start to say when they open the door.
“You have a call.” They hand me their phone, covered in Pokémon stickers. “I’m gonna get some air. I’ll give you a few minutes to talk.” They wink and step out, leaving me alone in the booth with a dumbfounded look and their phone.
“Can we talk?” Asher’s voice catches me off guard as his face appears on the screen. His hair is pulled back by a headband, and the circles under his eyes look huge, like he didn’t sleep.
I blink in surprise. How did he get my producer’s number? How did he know where I was? Who I was with? I rubmy face, trying to process. I mean, he probably knows a guy who knows a guy.
“Look, I realize this is borderline stalkerish, but you weren’t answering, and Kai’s freaking out. I just want to explain.”
Guilt squeezes my heart like a thorny vine. I don’t want Kai to suffer. Yesterday was just a lot. I needed to get my thoughts in order. But I’m not trying to punish them. They haven’t done anything wrong.
“Sure,” I say. “Sorry I haven’t picked up the phone.”
“I understand. And look, we weren’t trying to keep it from you. It’s recent.” His voice is apologetic, but all I hear is the echo of Mia’s words.
