“What do you meanWhat do I do? Accept your award!” Mia says, her voice a buoy in the sea of chaos.
I muster the last drop of adrenaline that still courses through me to make it to the stage. My heart is a bundle of nerves as the audience’s eyes train on me, phones poised to record my speech.
“Hi, y’all… I promise I’ll be faster this time.”
CHAPTER 20
A COUPLE OF MONTHS LATER…
My new house is a four-bedroom a short walk away from my family’s home. It still has that empty-place smell, and it feels a little lifeless, but if people are the heart of a home, I’m determined to make this house’s heart beat again.
I still spend most days at my moms’ place. I need help with self-care and keeping a routine, and I feel more emotionally grounded when I’m around them and my sister. So for now, I only come here when I need independence or time alone in the studio I added. I’ve slowly begun to decorate, but there’s no pressure for me to move in full-time until I want to.
I’m back in therapy, and I’m learning how to honor the real Sasha—the person I’ve always been, the person I’m not trying to hide anymore. We’ve been chatting more about the autistic spectrum, and a lot of the things my therapist has mentioned do sound like me. I’m taking things one step ata time, figuring out what I need and what support means to me. My soul still feels exhausted most times, but I feel privileged that I have access to tools and support, which not everyone does, and I’m able to pick up better strategies to recharge.
“Where are you going to put your Grammys?” Shirley’s laughter echoes through the screen. We’re doing a Live together, along with María and Zoya, the two musicians I met in New York. They reached out in support after my speech, and I introduced them to Shirley.
They’re all hanging at Shirley’s studio right now while I’m at my new place, trying to put together some furniture.
“Maybe it’s because it’s only been a little while since I got them, but I keep having this dream where I have to travel with them in my suitcase and I lose it at the airport. Then everything floods. What do y’all think it means?”
I wait for a few comments to roll in. Someone mentions that dreaming of a flood symbolizes an emotional release, and, I mean, that tracks. It feels like that’s all I’ve been doing since the Grammys.
“You assembled the middle piece backward.” Shirley’s leaning forward, narrowing their eyes at my bookshelf through the screen.
“No, it’s supposed to look like that—shit.” I slump against the floor when I realize they’re right. “I don’t even know if this shelf is going to fit all my books.”
I refocus my attention to the screen, where a flurry of comments pours in. There are currently fifty thousand people watching me fail at building furniture.
sashaspiercingsis the new album coming out soon? are you finally free? #freesasha
“Hopefully?” I say. “I can’t talk about it yet.”
sashaseyelash01we got your back #ReleaseKaleidoscope
More comments roll in, a lot of them including the hashtags#FreeSashaor#ReleaseKaleidoscope.
My former label wasn’t too happy with my Grammy speech, or that I came out publicly without their consent. But numbers are numbers, and my new song, “Kaleidoscope,” is trending while still unreleased. They want to sink their teeth into it, even though it isn’t part of the new album. They threatened to drop me and Shirley if we ever pulled something like that again, which Shirley took as an invitation to quit on the spot.
Shirley is starting an independent label they want me to co-own. I want to work with them, but my situation is tricky. Technically, I still owe my former label an album, but I own my masters, and if I can prove that the label was involved in Marissa’s plan, or threaten to go public with the details, it’s likely that I’ll be able to break my contract and walk away free. Lawyers are involved, so the release of my second album is on hold, which has given me actual time to recharge and just write. And I have a new manager—Asher referred me to his team—someone who treats me like a person and not a product.
“Actually…” María chimes in, looking from Shirley to me. “Can we tell them? The secret we’ve been keeping?”
Shirley nods.
“Yes,” I say. “Let’s tell them.”
“Well,” Zoya goes on with a smile. “There might be an Easter egg in the studio right now that hints at Sasha’s new song.”
Excited comments rush in:
sashassunglassesomg guys i think i’ve figured it out. the clock on the wall reads 5:08. New song coming out May 8? Or August 5?
iloveyousashaomg omg omg
sashasformerpinkhairsomeone screenrecord
sashasshampoocan we get a clue? is it about a character? a love story?
