“I know it’s hard, but you need to hear this, Julie. So much of what upsets us exists only up here.” She points a finger to her temple. “How much of what’s bothering you is your own making? How much of it exists only in your head?”
“How doyouknow I’m upset?”
Aunt Edna tuts. “The whole town knows.”
“Dr. Appa called me.” Mom folds her arms. “Told me everything.”
I frown. Since when do they talk on the phone? I lean my head into my hands. “Then you know these problems aren’t just in my head. Dr. Srinivasan won’t let me work unless I convince Nomi to teach me about cannabis. And if I don’t—if I stand on my ethics or worse, beg Nomi for forgiveness and she laughs in my face—Dr. Appa will fire me, Philly Gen won’t take me back, and everything I’ve worked for will be gone, just like that. All the prestige, awards, certifications, and research. The years I’vespent sacrificing everything else to become the best won’t mean a damn thing. All because ofweed!”
I moan softly at the floor.
“Okay, here’s what you do: go do a big workout, really get your muscles pumped, then shower but don’t shave—leave some stubble. Show up to Nomi’s dispensary wearingextremelyshort shorts, I’m talking Tom Selleck, I’m talkingMagnum, P.I., we’re working for the female gaze here. If you don’t have any, I still have some of your Uncle Joseph’s nut-huggers in the back closet.”
“No,” I whisper futilely. “No!”
“Wear a button-down with the sleeves rolled up to your forearms, linen if possible. Bring flowers, good ones. Beg. Get on your knees if you have to—”
“Womenlovea good grovel.” Mom takes a big swig of Arctic Splash. “And short shorts.”
“Yes, we do,” Aunt Edna nods. “Tell Nomi you’re sorry for being such a know-it-all jerk—”
“—hey—” I look up, glaring.
“—and swallow that big ego of yours and actually learn about what you’re trying to ruin for everybody.” Aunt Edna wags a fry at me. “If I didn’t take edibles, I’d have died years ago. Do you know what chemo does to your ability to eat?”
“Of course I do—”
“No,” Aunt Edna interrupts. “You know about it intheory. If you really knew, if you really understood just how terrible it is when your own body’s determined to starve you, you’d see cannabis for the miracle it is, for me especially.” Aunt Edna blinks sleepily, then lies back in her bed, as if this lecture has cost her significant energy she’s now used up. “Now come here and give us a kiss. I’m about to pass out.”
I stand up, leaning over the tiny twig of a woman who’s always loomed so large in my life, and kiss her soft, crinkled cheek. She liftsa hand to gently grasp my chin. “Remember, Julian. Very short shorts. Three inches or bust. In fact, they should look like they’re about to bust.”
“Yes, Aunt Edna,” I mumble, though the thought of groveling for Nomi’s forgiveness in slutty little shorts is unbearable. My jaw clenches with the same rush of frustration that’s washed over me all day. I don’twantto withdraw the complaint. I don’twantto learn about marijuana. And I certainly, most ardently, donotwant to apologize to Nomi Wyeth.
Aunt Edna pulls me by the collar until I lean over again, then whispers in my ear, “Remember, Julie. Loosen that butthole.”
I’ll dono such thing.
After Mom and I clean up, we return to Aunt Edna’s light snoring, BonBon curled up against her side. Mom gestures for me to follow her to the screened-in porch. Ugh. Thetalk. She takes a seat on the swinging bench, and after a second, I sit beside her. The bench’s chains creak lightly as we swing, loud in the quiet between us.
“We need to talk, Julie.”
“You’re high. It can wait until you’re not.” The words are clipped and hard, but she’s not the only one who’s angry here.
“Actually, it can’t, because your stubborn, pigheaded behavior has landed you and other people I care about in real trouble. Dr. Appa has given you a very reasonable ultimatum that you have yet to agree to. What’s going on in your head?”
I blink, turning to face her. “Dad’s going on, Mom,Dad. Or did you forget about the stoner who lived in our garage?”
Mom lifts her chin. “I miss that stoner every single day. I loved him with my whole heart and part of me always will, and you better never,eversuggest otherwise again.” Her voice is soft and hurt, but strong. Always so strong. She’s always had to be.
“How could you do the same drugs he did, Mom?” My voice comes out strained.
Mom smiles sadly. “Oh, Julie. You’re pinning the tail on the wrong donkey.”
My brow creases. “What?”
“If your father only smoked pot, he’d still be here today. It was when he tried to get ‘legit’ by using prescription medication that everything went to hell. It was the oxycodone, Julian. The opioids. How do you not see that?”
“OfcourseI see that! But he’d been languishing in our garage for years at that point, Mom. He was constantly stoned. Marijuana came first.”
