I should resign. Ridiculous commentary aside, I… felt things when treating her, and that’s unacceptable. The doctor-patient relationship is built on trust that depends on my professional detachment from normally exciting body parts, and yet, there wasnothingdetached about pressing my palm against Nomi’s soft, warm cunt. My eyes flutter back in my head, dick stiffening for the second time tonight.
I bark out a sharp laugh of despair. The only way I could be more of a disgrace would be rubbing one out in my office while the memory of my last patient and, coincidentally, the only woman who’s ever driven me insane, is still fresh.
I slam down in my chair. After a minute of cradling my throbbing skull, I call Eric’s emergency line. The phone rings five times before a groggy voice answers:
“Dr. Sampson speaking, what is your emergency?”
“Eric,” I croak. “I have to resign from the medical profession.”
There’s some muffled cursing while Eric adjusts the phone. “Julian, it’s after midnight. What, and I say this with love, thefuckis wrong with you?”
“I got a semi-erection while suturing a stage two laceration on my high school crush’s vulva.”
Eric curses again, this time directly into the receiver. “Okay. That’s bad. What happened?”
I regale the entire saga, from the moment Nomi showed up to the unfortunate lasagna comment. “I even considered masturbating in my office,” I confess wearily. “But I called you instead.”
Eric exhales. “There are things you don’t have to tell me. Many things, in fact.”
“You’re my advisor,” I counter.
“I was,” Eric agrees. “Years ago. When you were in medical school. Now I’m just some guy you call in the middle of the night instead of whacking off.”
“Eric, could you not make this about you? I’m in crisis.” I lay my forehead flat against the desk and prop the cell phone against my ear. “How does one resign from the medical profession?”
“You’re not resigning. You didn’tdoanything inappropriate. Well, except for the lasagna comment.”
I whimper.
“—and ultimately, nothing inappropriate occurred,” Eric concludes. “You are a human. These things happen.”
“Has it ever happened to you?” I sit up straighter.
Eric snorts. “I’m an orthopedic surgeon that specializes in feet. I’ve never gotten an erection while performing a bunionectomy.”
“What about a semi?”
“What doyouthink?”
“That I’m a reprobate.” I slump back down. “I’m so disappointed in myself. First Philly Gen, and now this. I can’t even make it in a goddamn family practice.”
“This is a new position for you. You just left one of the biggest hospitals in the country, where you had specialized colleagues that handled all the gynecological emergencies that came in, right?”
I pause, not wanting to be made to feel better but also unable to argue with my advisor. “Well, yes.”
“Ergo, you don’t have experience with vulvas.”
“Yes, I do,” I spout indignantly. Maybe not a lot ofrepeatexperience because, according to the last woman I slept with, my looks only go so far in overcoming my personality.
“Withtreatingvulvas,” Eric amends, the smile in his voice audible. “And this wasn’t some random stranger, which would be very concerning. This was a special person from your past.”
“She’s not special,” I spit out. “She’s a stoner who carved my heart out with a blunt.”
“That’s… not how those work. Alright, Julian. I’ve got to keep this line clear for actual patients with actual emergencies. You gonna be okay?”
“No! You haven’t given me advice yet!”
“Sure I have. Let’s do a recap: First, don’t quit the medical profession. You’re an incredible doctor with subpar social skills. You got away with that in the ER until you didn’t, which is how you’ve landed here. You’ve got six months to improve your atrocious bedside manner before Philly Gen will consider taking you back. This family practice position will force you to level up, and you need to take it seriously.”
