I see myself down the hall and enter the empty room. I inspect it closely, but there’s no sign of the horrors I endured in here. Not that I expected there to be physical evidence, but some events are so traumatic, surely they leave an indelible stain on the fabric of space-time or something.
The door opens after a perfunctory knock, and I spin on my clogs to see Julian frozen in the doorway.
“Nomi.” His face blanks, a panicked,play dead!response, and he checks the file in his hand, then my face again. “Um, hi.”
“Hi.” I smile hastily. It’s been a little weird since last weekend’s birthday party, to be honest. Now that we don’t work together and he’s graduated the Nomi Wyeth School of Cannabis, we’re out of rhythm, evicted from our old routine, and everything feels uncertain. “Where’s Dr. Appa?”
His eyes drop to my lips, my collarbone, then the outrageous peaks of my nipples like an elevator stopping at every floor before shooting back to the top.
“He’s running behind due to a walk-in and asked me to take his next appointment, which is… you.” Julian frowns. “But I don’t think it’s a good idea, Nomi. Now that we’re… um.”
“Friends?” I offer.
“—yes,friends—I’m not sure it’s ethical for me to treat you.”
I shoulder my bag back on. “Totally understand. I’ll wait for Dr. Appa.”
“You’ll need to reschedule then. He’s leaving after he finishes with the walk-in patient.”
I blink at him. “I can’t reschedule. I have to have this physical today. If I don’t, I won’t get approved for my new marketplace healthcare insurance for another month.”
What Idon’tadd is that another month of outrageously expensive COBRA benefits will ruin me.
Julian’s face is full of chagrin. “I’m sorry, Nomi. I don’t know what to tell you.”
“I really need this done today.” I bite my lip in, feeling my cheeks burn. “I know it’s a little weird, but could you please do it?”
His brow furrows together, his face tortured. He blows out a long breath. “Yes, okay. Hop up on the table.”
I do as I’m told. He sits at the computer, but his eyes keep flicking to the table, the stirrups folded neatly at its sides, and me. It’s obvious we’re both remembering the last time we were in this room together.
Julian starts to bring up my records, when I suddenly realize the implication of that.
“No!”
He looks up at me, startled.
“Is there any way you can, you know.” I gesture at his stethoscope. “Just do the basics?”
“You want me to… half-ass it?” His face is so pained at the thought, it makes me laugh aloud.
“Yes, please. All you have to do is check my blood pressure, listen to my chest, that sort of thing, then fill out this form. Okay?” I half smile, half wince. I know this is really pushing his boundaries.
After a long second, he says tightly, “Alright.”
“Great!” I lie down on the table.
“You don’t need to lie down yet.”
“Okay!” I say too brightly as I sit back up, trying to muster a carefree attitude, but no dice, that was embarrassing.
Julian slips the blood pressure cuff around my upper arm, which is probably going to give me a bum reading since I’m so weirdly nervous right now. I exhale at the ceiling. His fingers are gentle as he releases the cuff, though, and when he dons his stethoscope, he warms the cold, round end in his palm before he presses it to my upper chest.
That was, admittedly, nice.
Julian clears his throat. “Breathe in for me? Good. Again.” He moves the stethoscope around my chest, pressing softly, then firmly, listening intently with his eyes trained on the wall beside me as he instructs me when to breathe. The flat of his left hand is placed between my shoulder blades, steadying me, and the warmth of his palm sends goose bumps down my arms, hardening my nipples even more. When he moves the stethoscope to listen to my back, he carefully, almost reverently, gathers my long fall of hair and pushes it over my shoulder to expose the skinthere. The warm bell of the stethoscope traveling down my ribs, coupled with the knowledge that his eyes are there, too, the stiff, white cuffs of his doctor’s coat brushing against my skin… A hot, giddy flush floods my neck, cheeks, and forehead. Even my ears burn as his gloved fingers trail down the lymph nodes beneath my jawline.
“You can lie down now,” he says gruffly, at complete odds with the soothing touch of his hands. A furious blush blooms across Julian’s cheekbones as I swing my legs onto the exam table, his icy blue eyes finally meeting mine as I lean back on my elbows, then drop all the way down to my back. The déjà vu isintense. His eyes burn into me, and I can’t blame the resulting ache between my legs on horny pot this time. His gaze fixes on my stomach as he begins to gently palpate the area. I’m so distracted by his touch, I flinch when he presses lightly into the lower right side of my belly, the source of all my pain.
