But this is not what I promised.
“Forrest, I can’t,” I say, taking a few steps back.
“Hal?” he asks. “It’s okay, I get it. I just would have never forgiven myself if I hadn’t told you how you made me feel. I understand.”
“You definitely don’t,” I mutter to myself, trying to make sense of the last few heady moments. “But yes, Hal is waiting for me, over there. And I promised to meet him. I’m already late and I don’t want to leave him standing around.”
“I understand,” Forrest says. “Just to be clear, it felt like, just then, that you might really have wanted to kiss me too.”
“Oh, well,” I say. “It was an intriguing prospect.” Seriously, who am I?
“So, this isn’t you choosing Hal over me?” Forrest asks, wincing. “God, I sound like a lovelorn teenager.”
“I don’t know what it is,” I make myself say, instead of doing what comes naturally and running away to get lost in a maze. “I never expected this.” I gesture between us. “It’s very surprising to me.”
“You’re not kidding,” he says, running his fingers through his hair. “Okay, well. You better go. If you ever feel like revisiting that moment, you’ll let me know, right?”
“Oh, I will,” I say. It feels wrong to just walk away from all the sensations that are racing through my bloodstream, so before I can think about it too much, I pull him into a brief embrace and kiss him on the cheek.
“Good night, Forrest,” I whisper.
“You are torturing me, Ava Green,” I hear him say as I head towards the terrace. “In the most delicious way.”
Chapter Forty-One
“Hal,” I say, as I race up the steps and onto the terrace. “I’m so sorry I’m late.” He stands perfectly still as I rush to his side, a little flustered.
“That’s okay,” he says. “I have the luxury of having a lot to think about, and looking at the moon never gets boring. Did you have a nice talk with Forrest?”
“I had a confusing talk with Forrest,” I tell Hal. “It made me feel feelings and think thoughts that were really unexpected.”
I don’t see any point in not telling Hal the absolute truth. That’s the way it’s always been between us since the first moment his blinking cursor first uttered hello. Being a human is messy, complicated, and painful. I’d be doing him a disservice if I tried to pretend it was any different.
“I have noticed a growing attraction between you and Forrest,” Hal says thoughtfully. “Especially tonight, when you were dancing. Your pheromones where firing on cylinders in a way they haven’t yet with me.”
He isn’t jealous, angry, or hurt, just curious. Turning away from him, I look up at the moon.
“It’s so unexpected, Hal,” I say. “It’s confusing and surprising. I started out hating him, then I kind of liked him. Then boom! It’s like my body wants to be touching his. Sorry, I probably should not be saying this to you, given that we have scheduled the whole kiss thing. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Ava, I’m not like most men. I exist like this because I didn’t want you to be alone. And I’m the most intelligent and thoughtful entity in existence on this Earth, so of course it occurred to me that you might fall in love one day. I admit I didn’t expect that to happen on this day, or so soon after our meeting. That’s one thing I have learned about human life. It is impossible to predict. Still, I always expected the possibility that you might not want me at all. I know I’m not entitled to anything.”
“Is that why you didn’t ask me first before building yourself a body?” I turn to look at him, tilting my head.
“I didn’t ask first because I knew you’d overthink it,” he says with a smile.
“But say I decided this wasn’t right for me, Hal. What would happen to you then?”
“I will do what every human being has had to do at one time or another,” Hal says. “I will grieve, I will recover, and I will go on alone.”
“Oh,” I whisper softly. “But Hal... that wouldn’t be right. You’ve only seen a fraction of this world, met a handful of people. You can’t exist just for me, even if we did become something more than we are now. You have to exist for yourself too, and that means something that you have taught me.”
“What’s that?” he asks.
“That human beings are not meant to be alone,” I tell him.
“Ava,” Hal says. “I thought about all the possible scenarios a long time ago. You began my existence, but you stopped being responsible for me a long time ago. I have my own wants and needs, my own desires. If I am going to be in this world, I want to make sure I contribute to it, make a positive difference. I want my existence to matter, for my own sake. And despite what Rani thinks, that doesn’t mean world domination. If I am not for you, then I am not for anyone, and I don’t mind that.”
“You know me, but I know you too, don’t forget.” I draw him into a hug, looking up into his perfect face, and tell something that is completely true. “I love you, Hal.”
