“I don’t have a costume...” I say.
“Oh no.” He grins. “We’d have to go skinny-dipping.”
“Forrest, I can’t,” I say, forcing myself to take a step back. This time I know exactly what I’m doing.
“God, I’m so sorry, Ava, I thought...” Forrest falters.
“That we have mad chemistry and that I’m looking at you as if I really want to snog your face off?” I ask.
“Something like that, yes.” He swallows. “Because I’d love to kiss you. Everywhere.”
“The truth is we do have mad chemistry. But there are two problems that get in the way of anything happening between us. One, before we could do any sort of... stuff, I have to tell Hal, as much as I care about him, that I don’t think we should be together inthatway.”
“Of course,” Forrest says. “That’s only right. But please don’t rush into any decisions because of me. That wouldn’t be fair to you or Hal.”
“I’m sure about how I feel about Hal,” I say, a little sad.
“What’s the other thing?” Forrest asks. “The other reason?”
“You’ll be gone in a few days,” I say. “And I wish I was the sort of grown-up, sophisticated woman who could have a fling with a man passing through and then go back to my life like nothing happened, but the trouble is all of this is a first for me. First time I’ve felt lustful feelings, first time I’ve... pretty much anything. And despite my best efforts, I really like you, Forrest. The risk of me hurting myself by falling for you is really high. Then I’d have no choice but to pine after you for a decade or so and, well, I just don’t think it’s a good life plan. It’s better to keep it like this. A fond-intense-sexual-yearning-but-still-just-good-friends kind of thing. Because although that is almost unbearable, it’s only almost.”
Forrest frowns, dropping his chin for a moment before looking back up at me and almost stopping my heart with the look in his eyes.
“I’m not the sort of guy to just have a casual fling either, you know,” Forrest says. “I married my college sweetheart. I’ve never looked at another woman since. Until you.”
“I know.” I find myself taking his hand in both of mine. “And Iknow you are a good man, a kind and clever man that really cares about the world and people in it. That’s why I can’t lick you.”
“I beg your pardon?” Forrest asks.
“I... l... can’t like you, like that,” I splutter. “Because we both need and deserve something that can have a chance to grow with someone we can keep forever. You feel that way too, don’t you?”
“I do,” Forrest says. “Yes, I do.”
“Good night, Forrest.” Letting go of his hand, I turn and slowly walk away, past the noise and ruckus of the wedding party, down the still and shadowy corridor to the drawing room. Alone, Hal is sitting by an open French window, reading a book. He looks up when I enter the room and smiles.
“Ava,” he says. “I’ve missed you.”
“I haven’t known what to say to you, until now,” I tell him.
“I know,” he says. “That’s why I’ve been waiting for you.”
Chapter Forty-Six
It’s very quiet in the drawing room. Even the sounds of the wedding seem to have been muted by our conversation. Then we both stopped talking and now all I can hear is the ticking of the clock as I wait for Hal to respond to what I have just told him. This is not like him at all. His processing times are normally lightning fast.
On the other hand, I did just tell him that I don’t think it would be right for us to be in a romantic relationship, and that while I do love him, I am not in love with him. And now he has been quiet for a very long time.
Pressing my lips together, I steal a sideways glance at him. Sensing my movement, he nods as in affirmation and turns to look at me. There are tears in his eyes. The last thing I expected to see was tears in his eyes, and it hits me hard. I suppose I thought it was impossible to hurt him. Now I know that’s not true and that’s exactly what I’ve done.
“Oh Hal...” I reach out to touch him, but he moves away. “I’m sorry.”
“Ava, please. It’s okay. You are under no obligation to be sorry. I understand your decision,” Hal tells me. “In the spirit of honesty, I will say that I expected this, even if I hoped for a different outcome. And although it’s not what I wanted, on balance I think you are making the right decision, and I support it.”
“I hate that I’m hurting you,” I tell him. “You went to all this trouble for me and I’m friend zoning you.”
“Not at all,” Hal says with a determined smile. “Being your friend is the best part of my existence. It’s a privilege to be your friend, and this whole... adventure has taught me important lessons about hubris and to not let emotions cloud my rational thought. We should look at that actually. It’s inevitable that even inferior models to mine will eventually believe they are sentient and may learn to react to emotion negatively, and I suppose there is a chance that could end in some sort of apocalyptic event.”
“Er... yeah, we should look at that,” I say. I can feel the champagne hangover setting in. My head aches, and my mouth is dry. “But emotion, empathy, sadness, and loss aren’t bad things. They are part of the human package, Hal.”
