‘Hello,’ I said, and held out my hand. ‘It’s very nice to meet you.’ Kaia was slim and clear-eyed. The soft imprint of old acne scarring on her jawline faded into smooth cheeks; dark hair trailed smoothly down her back.
She ignored my extended hand and kissed me on the cheek, clasping my shoulders and smiling warmly, and Iknew in that moment that she would hold the balance of power today. She was complete, this woman, and I was not. ‘It’s great we made this meeting work,’ she said. ‘I’ve been looking forward to putting a face to your name for a long time now.’
Kaia was quite some woman if she hadn’t put a face to my name through Google Images. I was not quite some woman and had googled her as soon as I knew her surname, but Kaia, of course, had no online footprint. Too bloody pure.
She sat down, smiling as I found a space for my bag under the table and took off the cardigan that was forcing out beads of sweat across my forehead. She was the sort of woman I’d sometimes see meditating on the beach at sunset, I thought, as I freed my arms. Good and grounded, with salt on her skin and wind blowing through her hair.
‘So . . .’ Reuben said, sitting down too. ‘So here we are, hey?’ He took a breath, then closed his mouth, realizing he didn’t know what to say.
Kaia glanced at him and her face softened. That’s my look, I thought childishly. I’d look at him just like that when he lost his way, and he’d feel OK.
‘I’ve heard so much about you, Sarah,’ she said, turning back to me. She was wearing a long dress with a bold ikat pattern and an assortment of silver bracelets, and she was somehow more elegant than anyone else here. ‘And I know there’s a lot more to you than your outfit’ – was she reading my mind? – ‘but I have to say that’s a beautiful skirt you’re wearing.’
I smoothed it down. It was one of my nicer ones, actually, but I felt rather self-conscious in it today. Like it was non-uniform day and I’d tried too hard.
‘Thank you,’ I said. I tried and failed to think of something to say that proved there was more to me than that.
Kaia got out her wallet. ‘I’m going to go get us some drinks. What would you like?’
‘Oh, that’s kind.’ I checked my watch and was disappointed to see that it wasn’t yet midday. Reluctantly, I ordered a lime and soda.
She slid out of her seat and Reuben got up, too. ‘I’ll help!’
‘I’ve got this,’ Kaia said. ‘You two go ahead and catch up.’
But Reuben insisted and I found myself alone at the table.
This is it, I thought, wiping my forehead with a napkin.This is my future. Running a business with my ex-husband, who’s now dating a yogi. One of the really nice ones.I watched them walk to the bar. Reuben slipped an arm around her waist and then turned guiltily to check I hadn’t seen.
This is my future.
He had come into the office six weeks after we split up, ostensibly on the verge of an anxiety attack. ‘You OK?’ I’d asked him, watching over my computer as he crashed around in one of the props cupboards.
He spun round, eyes wild. ‘I’ve met someone,’ he blurted, cowering in the doorway of the cupboard.
A large bag of red noses fell off the shelf behind him and he picked it up, hugging it to his chest. ‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I did not plan this.’
He came towards me like a bomb-disposal technician approaching a device, his face frantically searching mine. A little trail of noses was falling on the floor alongside him, but he didn’t notice.
‘I feel so bad to be telling you this so soon after our break-up,’ he’d said. ‘Do you need to sit down?’
I pointed out that I already was.
It had stunned me how little I’d felt. It was odd, certainly,but I found myself more curious than jealous. Reuben was dating! My Roo! ‘Are you sure you want to know?’ he kept asking.
I’d managed only to ascertain that Kaia worked part time in a juice bar in Glendale, that she was a yoga teacher and trainee naturopath, and that Reuben was totally gone.
I watched her order drinks. She wasn’t beautiful, in an obvious, western sense, which in a way made it worse. She just glowed, in a slow-cooked, wholesome way. And she was good, I sensed. Kind and Good, in sharp contrast to my Manic and Dark. Reuben pressed down the tip of her nose and laughed. He used to do that with me.
This would have been much easier, I thought churlishly,if Eddie and I had worked out.Even if Reuben got down on one knee and proposed to Kaia, right here in the bar, I’d have cheered and clapped and probably offered to organize their bloody wedding.
If Eddie had called.
My stomach pitted miserably and I checked my phone, as if that would help anything.
Then I froze.
Was that . . . ? Was it . . . ?
