After a few deep breaths, I call him.
Thirty-seven.
He doesn’t answer.
What are you doing?I write, simply. Johan comes to join me. He leans against the worktop, far too tall for this old, low-ceilinged house.
I panicked,Robin replies less than a minute later.
I show it to Johan.
Call me,I write.Right fucking now.
Robin calls immediately. “Look, Carrie, I’m sorry,” he says, in his voice. His calm, kind voice. “I’m really sorry. I had a little panic that you’d…”
“That I’d what? Call the police?”
“Well, yes, I suppose so.”
“So you decided to disappear with our children as a deterrent? Seriously?”
“I admit it wasn’t my best…well, it wasn’t—”
“What were you doing? Why were you in a hotel in Lancaster Gate?”
Robin sighs. “I know, I know. Probably silly, but I was worried something would kick off and that I might need to—I don’t know. Lie low.”
“What does that even mean? You were going to do a runner? With ourchildren?”
“No! Of course not!”
“Don’t you dare sound outraged!”
“I just wanted to be near your mum’s in case I needed to drop them there for a while.”
“So you could run off to Heathrow and disappear? I…Robin. Who are you? What is this?”
“I’m so sorry. Truly sorry. I was young, when it all happened. I was frightened. I did what my boss ordered me to do. He was a dangerous man, Carrie, but I’ve regretted it ever—”
“Don’t. Don’t even.”
“OK.” He sounds meek.
I take a deep breath. “I want to know one thing only. Did we meet by accident? Or did you track me down?”
Johan is watching me intently.
“Of course I didn’t track you down.” Then Robin hesitates. “Well, not entirely.”
I close my eyes.
“The charity gala had been planned for a long time before you got a job at the Royal Marsden. But yes, a couple of months before the gala I found out that you’d started working at the hospital.”
“How?”
He hesitates. “I looked you up.”
I close my eyes.
