I was no good for a good anymore, unmotivated, distracted. But giving Boba up had done nothing for my stability.
Anderson went to open his mouth, dig him and our gender in deeper, when I spoke up.
“Did she tell you anything more about what landed her in medical?” I asked Sally to distract myself from the building tension, pushing my luck; confidentiality was a tricky subject here. Technically, as Karner was a prisoner, she had no privacy rights, but the nurses tended to stick to civilian rules when it didn’t cause any harm. Earlier, Sally had refused to divulge more than the basics, but maybe with a few wines swimming through her veins…
Sally shook her head. “She… though she did say ‘he’, before biting it back.” Sally shot Anderson a glare, before he huffed and left, muttering under his breath as he weaved through the crowd and fucked right the way off. Sally’s angry gaze hit the rest of the men around the table. But not me. “You know what I think…”
“Stop it, Sally,” another CO bit back.
They glared at each other, then Sally stood, sighing. “I’m going home,” she muttered, swaying a little, but holding her own. The female CO across the table rose with her, Boulet, I think, along with most of the women.
Testosterone increased, along with awkwardness. One of the remainders coughed. Another swigged hisbeer. Had every single one of them abused the women behind those bars?
He. Karner’d made clear reference to a he. So it was cum on her, blood and cum and sweat. A male CO had gone into her cell and taken advantage of her position. Randal, it was 100% Randal and 100% my doing.What the hell had I expected?
It hadn’t been my full intention. Randal was crude and impulsive from what I’d heard. I should have accounted for that. But she was the danger here. She was the one behind bars, the one who couldn’t be left alone in any company without being strapped down.
Penelope Karner was the killer, the psychopath, not Randal, and not me. Some people were built wrong. And you didn’t fix that, you contained it, squashed it. I’d told Randal what had happened, hinted he could have the same kind of fun.
But it pissed me off that Randal had done exactly what I’d hinted he should. She complicated matters, and it was interfering with my judgment. I said, thought, acted one thing, then did the other right after.
Ignoring the others, I slammed my empty glass on the table and stood, storming from the place without a backward glance. My body was violent with anticipation, itchy and rashy, fired up.
It wouldn’t be long now, and things would fall into place. Everything would start in motion; it just needed to push along a little longer, without Karner causing any more problems.
But having Randal put her in that place wasn’t possible, I’d proven that in my reaction tonight.
At home later that night, not even bothering to turn the lights on in my small apartment, I crashed into the bedroom and stripped off my underwear. It was Karner’s face that forced its way into my addled brain as I jacked myself off.
Penelope, underneath me, pinned down by her throat as I fucked her raw. Her blood would look so pretty coating my cock, dripping from the tip and into her mouth. She stopped fighting in my head before she ever would in real life.
I came hard, grabbing the jar I had to hand. Every spurt, all of it saved.
He had his cum all over her, and in my sleep-infested, beer-fogged mind, that couldn’t stand.
I relaxed after, content, sleepy. I had to own that. Stop fucking about. I’d read all her files, studied her in such great depth that I knew her almost as well as I did myself.
She was fascinating, deranged, damaged, irreparable. Yet, somehow, enigmatic.
And soon, I’d paint her skin with blood and cum too.
Nine
Penny
Back to normal was weird, in gen pop, access to my cell, to the mess hall, to other people. Everyone looked at me, but no one spoke to me. It was the way I liked things, but it was heavier now, like something was building. After eight years here, things still never felt settled. Volatility swam through the veins of this place.
But the other women. Discontent, anger? I kept my guard up.
Mandy wasn’t around to mess with, and I was lonelier than ever. I guess that’s what I got for messing about with everyone, for being volatile and combative. No one wants to go anywhere near you.
Even my cellmate was gone, moved to a different block out of the blue a few days ago. She’d been baffled, arguing and shouting, throwing elbows and knees as they forced her on with no explanation. Randal hadbeen one of the COs moving her, and he gave me a wink that had my skin crawling away from my bones.
It was as if the world was recoiling from me. No one to touch or talk to, silence in the cell, no snoring, no tinkle of someone else’s piss hitting the metal toilet. Just me. The very atoms of the world shrinking away.
It made my mind wander in not very healthy ways. But like an old friend, comforting, cozy.
We’d all just been sent to our cells for a mandatory check, so I was standing with my spine against the wall, waiting for some CO to come in and fuck it all up. They always did, upturned everything, threw what little shit we had around and made sure to leave us as belittled as possible. I had my bed tidied, my meager possessions laid out: pajamas, a small pile of food from the commissary, and my toothbrush and soap.
