I laughed. “Yeah. Sounds like him. He’s very loyal and protective of Kirby.”
“And of you.”
I shrugged one shoulder. “It’s gotten kind of annoying over the years.”
Chase took a gulp of the beer he’d opened for himself. Bubbly wasn’t his thing—he’d only bought that for me. He swallowed and said, “I’m curious about him.”
“You know what they say about curiosity.”
“And cats?”
I nodded, and he just chuckled.
There was one thing niggling in my head, and since we were being open tonight…
“Chase, you always ask about me, my job, my brother, all the exes I hate to talk about. But you rarely ask about Monty.”
He looked at his plate. “Ah.”
“I don’t require you to be interested. But since you’ve made certain claims and expressed certain wishes earlier this evening,it made me wonder…” I trailed off. Was I pushing too much? But that was kind of the point.
“It’s intentional, yes.”
“Why?”
He looked up and held my gaze, and I knew he would be honest. Chase could hardly be anything but honest. He couldn’t lie for shit, and it was another thing I liked about him.
“Monty is the most important person in your life. He always comes first. And even if you give me a chance, if you ever love me back, I know that I’ll be in second place. I don’t mind because it’s right. It’s how it should be.” He rolled the beer bottle in his hands, frowning at it as if he just realized he was holding it, and put it on the table. “I was afraid that you’d think I was faking interest to get closer to you if I asked about him too much. So I’ve been kinda waiting for these little snippets you drop when you talk about your family. I’ve, um, collected information from those.”
It was his nervous habit—he’d start cleaning. As he kept talking, he covered the rest of the meat with a lid, straightened the used cutlery, and wiped a few drops of salsa from the table with a napkin.
“Monty loves skateboarding, and you and Hugh take turns driving him to the arena twice a week now that the park is closed for winter. He and Kirby build Legos together, and that was how they first bonded when he was nine. He’s brilliant at math but struggles in social sciences because he finds it hard to focus on reading anything that’s not a comic book. I had the same problem, and it only got worse in high school, so I’ve been wanting to send you links. There’s this guy who uploads videos online, like history and geography lectures for kids Monty’s age, and they’re great, so maybe he could try watching those instead. But I’ve chickened out before sending them.”
He gave me a shy glance and cleared his throat, folding and unfolding the napkin in his hands. I was too stunned to say anything.
“Um. I’ll do that later,” he said. “Anyway, I know he loves dogs, but you can’t have one because of your busy schedule, so he has visiting rights to your friend’s golden retriever named Noodle. His favorite food is pancakes, and he taught himself to make them, surprising you one morning with breakfast in bed. You were so proud of him. He’s bouncy and chatty when he feels safe, but a serious kid otherwise. And…yeah. I want to know all about him, Jay. He’s yours. Of course, I want to know him. It’s become this impossible dream of mine to come with you when you take him skateboarding. Um. One day in the future. Maybe.”
Then he went silent.
Blinking hard, I rubbed my face with both hands. I breathed through my nose, trying to calm the fuck down.
A noise escaped me, something between a sob and a laugh.
“Jay?” Chase sounded worried.
I shook my head, my face still in my palms.
“Did I just fuck up?”
I shook my head again.
Taking a deep breath, I forced myself to speak around the lump in my throat.
“I’m so sorry.” Shit, I couldn’t make my voice work.
Chase paled, his mouth turned down. The sadness in his eyes was like a dagger into my chest and a kick to my kidneys. Even if he hadn’t already won me over, this look would have made it impossible for me to reject him.
“Please, Jay, don’t…”
