“Well, that’s rather loaded, don’t you think?” Leaning against the wall, I mirrored his demeanor. “You refused to let Brix in, but allowed me to bask in your presence. Why?”
“I asked first,pirate.”
“Well, to answer your query honestly, I want out of here. But since Iknow that is not the answer you are seeking… I am here to ensure you are getting ready. For your wedding.”
“It is notmywedding,” he spat, running a shaky hand through his disheveled hair. “It is my father’s fucking wedding. I want nothing to do with that woman. By the gods, I don’t even know her!”
“I understand your frustrations?—”
“You don’t understandshit,Caspian.” Shoving himself from where he sat, he came to stand. “You do not know what it is like to be suffocated by the Marellan name and the weight of the expectations that come alongside it. You do not know what it is like to have your freedoms ripped from you, while all you can do is watch. You do not fucking know what it is like to be in love with someone… towantsomeone so desperately just to have them ripped away from you while you do nothing…nothingto stop it.”
“Kaelivan.” My jaw feathered, and I sank my teeth into my tongue to prevent myself from retaliating with unnecessary harshness.
His chin snapped toward me, his body trembling with rising wrath. “What?!”
“I am sorry.”
Chest falling, he stopped breathing as soon as the three words left me. He held my gaze, and the perpetual state of panic I’d seen him fall into as soon as Percival’s life slipped into my father’s hands welcomed me once more. Face twisting even more, every ounce of anger dissipated, and the only thing that remained was gut-wrenching sadness.
It was the expression of someone who had lost everything, someone who had nothing else to live for, and fuck, I so deeply desired to tell him I understood. But I had no right. I was the reason Percival was dead, and my decision to follow those commands marked me with a vileness I knew I would never be able to remove.
“You have no right…” Bottom lip quivering, he shook his head. “You have no right to sit here and ask for forgiveness.”
“This apology is not a means of requesting forgiveness,” I stated without missing a beat. “It is an apology. One that I very well understand you will likely never accept. You have every right to wish formy death, to pray for my demise, to loathe me far more than the definition could even entail, and that is something I will never take away from you.
“Hell, I would offer you a blade right now if you wished to carve my heart out, but there is something in your gaze that suggests you desire something different. That you do not wish to continue conforming to any act that could be seen as heinous, anything that could deepen your tie to your father.” Unmoved from where I perched myself, I continued, “You are terrified that even a simple act such as vengeance for your lover will transform you into the monster he has become.”
His seafoam eyes welled with tears, and he blinked as if wishing to hide them. “I… I-I… Does that… Does that make me a bad person? For not… desiring to kill you for what you’ve done? For what you robbed me of?”
I offered him a saddened smile. “No, Kaelivan. That makes you better than the rest of us.” Inhaling, I finally pushed myself from the wall and took a few steps toward him before I offered my hand. “There is nothing that will redeem me for my actions, and I do not expect there to be a day when you look at me and do not see a murderer. But… I do wish to pose an offer to you, because I fear our paths have crossed for a reason, and the war looming on the horizon demands your influence.”
CHAPTER 48
Scythe of Otherworldly Stone
ALASTAIR
Our arrival in Serevalen had been too easy. Standing at the helm, my gaze swept the nearly barren lands painted by the golden hour as the crew worked to secure the ship to the dock. While the invitation to the royal wedding could very well explain the townsfolk's absence, my inner knowing recoiled with unease.
It was too silent, too calm, too… eerie.
Leilani positioned herself beside me, fingers trailing up my spine. “I fear we may have stepped into their trap.”
“Likely the case,” I replied, turning toward her. “Things never go according to plan when it comes to Caspian Vayne.”
“Do you think that the Others desire him because he is linked to Elaros?” Her mocha gaze met mine, a tinge of uncertainty blooming in her pupils. “Is it possible this has nothing to do with the Goddess of the Sea and the control that her Eyes offer, but instead everything to do with the lineage Caspian carries? The Others seek destruction; who’s to say they aren’t planning to use his ancestral ties to their advantage?”
“With all we know now: him being the son of the God of Death, his binding to the Others, alongside his ties to Ellira and, by default, Rohen, it is impossible to pin their intentions. Do I think they desire touse him to their benefit? Yes. But do I believe Rohen is also on their radar? Yes.” Running a hand through my hair, I exhaled. “The two of them met for a reason; there is a reason for the draw they feel toward one another. I am not convinced that the only benefit to the Others’ plans exists solely with Vayne.”
“Why? Just because Caspian doesn’t chase women?” she questioned, the feather tucked in her tricorn catching the breeze.
“No.” I shook my head, moving from my position as we glided port side. Boots drumming down the steps leading from the sterncastle deck to the quarter deck, I continued, “As much as I loathe that man for the shit he put me through, Iknowhim like the back of my fucking hand. There was a glint in his eyes as he fought her, and it spoke not only of the knowingness he wrote about in the journals Rohen read, but an underlying desire.”
Her fingers caught my shirt sleeve. “What are you suggesting, Ace?”
Glancing over my shoulder at her, I loosened a breath as we reached the main deck. “That we could be on the precipice of an ethereal war, and that some underlying connection between Rohen and Caspian is leading us into it headfirst.”
“Those claims center around the lore of the Damned, Ace. They suggest the possibility of?—”
